Many parents think that the Bible endorses, or even commands, the use of corporal punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents cite a few verses in Proverbs, as well as a passage in Hebrew, as their "proof" that spanking is biblical. However, the doctrine of "biblical spanking" ultimately rests on the passage in Hebrews that mentions the rod. But, this "proof" sits on shaky ground. Hebrews 12:5-6 ultimately refers to enduring hardship, not any sort of punishment in parenting.
God's Word on trials and tribulations is spelled out in Hebrews 12:5-6 KJV:
And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
When this passage is understood correctly, it is comforting to me. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and can have a figurative meaning to it. This sort of metaphor is known as rod language. If you had a long day at work as a Christian then, you instead said "God whipped me hard today". God does not literally whip His children from the Heavens. However, God does punish His children, like only He can, sending trials and tribulations thee way of the children that He cherishes the most. But, God only punishes His children when it does not harm them. Whereas, earthly parents only punish their children when it does, in fact, harm them. Paul here was consoling the Hebrew Christians in their persecution from Rome.
There is no such thing as a "biblical spanking". God does not want His Parenting methods copied by earthly parents, as earthly parents could get it wrong. However, the Bible does weigh in on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your child altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology to your child whenever you hurt their feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received as banning all forms of offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.
The staple punishment in the broader Greco-Roman world in parenting was a spanking to the bare bottom with an open hand. This sort of punishment was seen in the Early Church as pagan in origin, and was shunned as of this world. Paul would have none of it in the churches that he oversaw, and sent a commandment to the parishes at Colossae and Ephesus convicting punitive parents in those respective parishes.
Parent anger directed towards children was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. Most of the Christian parents in the Early Church were not motivated by anger, but instead were motivated by worry or concern. Anger at children was seen then as akin to a viper lashing out at its prey - maybe the child got a warning, but that was about it.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
