The Fifth Commandment: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel deserving of being honored. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents demand honor and obedience from their children. Many American parents only punish children for clear defiance. However, the Bible speaks of a specific form of honoring parents - caring for parents as they age.

God's Law on honoring parents is stated in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

And is repeated in Ephesians 6:2-3 KJV:

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 

The Greek root word translated "honour" in the context of the Fifth Commandment in the New Testament is τιμαω (Latin: timao) and refers here to a specific form of honoring parents - caring for them as they age. The reason for this commandment in the context of Exodus was that elder abuse and neglect were endemic in Ancient Israel. However, this commandment only works if your parents took good care of you. If your parents abused you at all, you have the right to shun them. You only have to forgive your parents for abusing you if they are truly repentant. Even then, if they go back on their apology, you can go back on your forgiveness. 

Most American parents punish their children whenever they feel dishonored by their children. Many parents punish their children only for "dishonoring" them. However, the Bible prohibits punishing a child for any reason, including for children "dishonoring" parents. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking children when their behavior is seen by parents as "dishonoring". However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to give a meaningful apology for children whenever you hurt their feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent in parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever your child's feelings are hurt by limits not set out of anger. such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give your child a formal apology for hurting their feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen ass entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However this commandment was ultimately received as prohibiting any offenses as perceived by a child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

How do you get your child to honor you by being your caregiver? It all rests in the first 6 years of a child's life, which are the formative years of a child's development. For the first 6 years, children were in close proximity to mothers, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her child. Many times, children were milk-dependent until age 6, or sometimes even later. Whenever mom as much as left the room, children bawled their eyes out crying. All this usually paid off with a 6-year-old being interested in religion, as well as a child cooperating with parents when parents asked things of them. Children were seen in the Early Church as next to God. See Matt. 25:31-46. 

I myself have made peace with my parents. They started out as punitive parents in their entitlement. I was punished within the law, with the parents being the main excuse of my parents. My father would laugh at me when I debated him on spanking, and said "wait until you become a parent". However, the worst part of it is that the abuse I suffered was defensible under the law. I support the police because I wanted my parents read the riot act by the police and the caseworker. I do forgive my parents, but I do not forget. My main pet peeve as a children's rights conservative is parental entitlement, and I judge parents for their entitlement as parents, refusing to even speak with entitled parents. It is okay to hold judgment against a parent in the Bible, as only God is to be obeyed blindly. If you say to me "I am" next to "parent", that is the last time you will hear from me. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!