"Benign" deprivation: Why not to say "no" to children "frequent and often"

Many parents buy into the doctrine of "benign" deprivation. This means that parents say "no" for most everything that a child asked for from parents. However, the fact of the matter is that saying "no" all of the time can be perceived by a child as child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated :provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here is to avoid offense in a child. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. One thing that hurts children's feelings is when you as the parent say "no" to most everything that your child asks for. The idea instead is to only say "no" to a child when absolutely necessary, meaning rarely. When a child absolutely needs to hear the word "no", you should be willing to apologize to a child whenever the child cannot accept a set limit, lest it officially be an offense. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit to never losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Most American parents say "no" to their children for almost everything that they ask for . This is a common attitude in parents. Most parents know when to say '"no" to their child, in terms of necessities. However, they feel that their children will want "more, more, and then some". The fact of the matter is that they ask for things that they want because those things come from YOU. 

A common place for contention in parenting is the store. In most cases, the child only wants the candy bar in the checkout line, with parents then saying "put that back", with the fight starting there. However, in the Early Church, all of the children wanted licorice from the candy stand. A child got the licorice off of the shelf, and then the mother simply asked to take the candy in order to pay for it. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!