Honor thy parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to being honored by their children. This is a common misapplication of the Fifth Commandment to honor your parents. Most Christians believe that this means that you should forgive your abusive parents. However, this commandment simply states that adult children should care for their parents as they age.

God's Law on honoring parents is spelled out in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

The Hebrew word translated "honor" is kabad and refers here to taking care of your aging parents. It does not mean that parents are immune from blame. Parents can be tried using righteous judgment just like anyone else, including by their children, especially by their children. The only instance where you have to forgive your parents is if they are truly apologetic for abusing you.

"Dishonoring parents" is a common motive for punishing children. In many homes, perceived disrespect from children is the sole reason for punishment of children. However, the Bible prohibits anything punitive towards children, including in the context of perceived disrespect from children, with any punitive parenting perhaps being a form of child abuse. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. The idea behind not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults - be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt the feelings of another. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, such as when a child cannot accept a set limit. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for losing your cool with your children, and then commit never to ever losing your cool with your child again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking and other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

I myself forgive my parents for abusing me. However, they apologized for abusing me within the law with spanking and false imprisonment tactics. The spanking was the worst thing that my abuser did. My father spanked me with a disciplinary spanking done "out of love". I awaited in my bed, gripping my pillow tight, expecting the worst. The very worst thing about the abuse that I endured was that it is legal in my home state of Pennsylvania even today. If they didn't apologize, I would shun them to the degree that I could, while still living with them. Even though they apologized, I will never forget what they did to me.

It is a myth that you need to honor all parents. All you need to do to honor your parents is to take good care of them as they age. I myself would call the area office of aging if my mother needed care that I couldn't provide. I am autistic, and so there is little that I can do for an aging parent.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Passing down the faith: How to instruct your child in the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have religion. However, most Christian parents think that the answer is to beat a religion into a child. However, there are better ways to instruct your child in the Lord, meaning without punishment, shaming, or other forms of punitive parenting.

God's Law on teaching children the Christian faith is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The first stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to. the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. Forcing religion on any child is religious entitlement, and when it offends the child, it becomes religious child abuse. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults - be willing to give a meaningful apologize for hurting your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent from parents, such as when a child cannot accept an ordinary set limit. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you should definitely give a full apology to your child, and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This stanza of the commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought with them into the parish at Ephesus their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, namely spanking or other forms of punishment of a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Children don't need religion beaten into them. Religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible, and refers in context to religious instruction of a specific kind. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. Whenever a child was caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged for studying the Bible. Fathers then said "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer. Children were curious about Scripture, with fathers giving pointers on the context. 

It is common for parents to rush the religious entitlement of their children. For example, grateful postures are commonly forced on children in Christian homes. However, a child will come there naturally when they become more astute in their religious ways. I myself tie my hands behind my back in public whenever I can. Nobody forced me. I came to that conclusion on their own. I tie my hands behind my back in order remind others that they are in the presence of the elect.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Mutual respect: Why respect from children is earned

Many parents want their children to respect them. The Bible does say to respect your parents. However, respect for parents is earned in parenting. The fact of the matter is that respect for parents comes in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents.

God's Law prescribes attachment parenting. See Colossians 3:20 KJV:

Children. obey your children in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and is better translated as "trust" as in "trust in your parents in all things". This commandment refers to children surrendering into the loving arms of parents, and into the Agape love of parents. Ultimately, this commandment refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. The context, when used as a guidepost, tells us how to form a secure bond with your child.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times. However, this respect came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, with children seemingly attached to the hip of mothers, not allowing mothers out of their line of sight, with children morbidly fearing that mothers will "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed before responding to the child's cries, and then she diagnosed the need before meeting that need. The five basic categories of needs in children consist of food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these needs being attachment! Maybe the child was tired, but that was lumped in with attachment needs, as co-sleeping was the norm in the Early Church. Whenever young children under age 6 were out and about with mom, mothers wrapped the child up in swaddling blankets next to her bosom, then tucking the swaddling blankets underneath her loose-fitting dress that resembled an apron. Christian parents in the Early Church did what was known then as birth nudity when at home, where children went naked wherever they went, and with mothers also going naked within the context of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with this skin-on-skin closeness happening even when a child was merely picked up. 

Christian fathers in the Early Church did not rape their children. Instead, fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children. This helped them imprint on their children, and feel closer to their children. Fathers then nurtured their children, but in a teaching way. Fathers encouraged religious learning in children, and left out a Bible for children to discover and explore.

Respect is earned in life, meaning that respect is not bestowed on a silver platter. This means that if you want respect from your child, you have to earn it. As a parent, you are deserving of absolutely no respect. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Parenting should be a thankless job, meaning you are not deserving of thanks just for existing as a parent. A parent is a simple custodian, in the many meanings of that word.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Child abuse definitions: Why the Bible calls for stronger laws protecting children from abuse

Many parent think that the ancients in the Bible had no concept of childhood, let alone child abuse. This is a common belief amongst American parents. However, the Bible has its own definition of child abuse - whatever the child victim perceives as abuse.

The Greek root word denoting parental entitlement is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and is defined as, officially speaking, wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, parental entitlement consists of parents who are sorely disappointed when children don't give them what they feel that they deserve from children. Parents are deserving of absolutely from children nothing just for existing. Even any parent anger directed towards children was seen as parental entitlement in the Early Church. Whenever this sense of entitlement in parents was perceived as offensive or damaging by children, it was deemed child abuse. See also Colossians 3:21:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translating "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. Child abuse in the Bible, as a legal concept, consists of entitlement is parents, leading to offense in children. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults - be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt the feelings of another. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, such as when a child cannot accept a set limit. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child, you should definitely apologize formally to your child for losing your cool, and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool as a parent alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive parents on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The Greek root word translated "they be discouraged" is αθυμέω (Latin: athumeo) and refers here to long-term damages, namely childhood trauma. The ancients had a basic understanding of childhood trauma. Whenever a child grew up to be atheist, it was a shame for the parents, who were then suspected of child abuse. An atheist in the Early Church was seen as a victim of child abuse, not a "lost soul" to "win over". 

The ancients even had a concept of child sexual abuse. The Greek root word translated "fornication" is πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and refers to here, at minimum, any sexual advances perceived by children, even if the child liked it. Mere sexual attraction to children was not seen as morally wrong. But, if you had sex with a child at all, or even had pornography of such on your possession, you are guilty of fornication. Child sexual abuse was rare in the Early Church, meaning next to non-existent.

Child abuse was investigated by the church authorities in the Early Church. Usually, the investigation started with a child confiding in an elder or a deacon. From there, a council of three elders convened and called in for the parents to testify. If the parents defended themselves at all, they were excommunicated and shunned by the Early Christian parishes throughout the Greco-Roman world.

The Bible is an anti-spanking document. The writers of all 88 books of the Bible - from Genesis to Revelation - were written by Jews. No Jew worth mentioning ever endorsed punishment in parenting, including spanking. Most all of the biblical writers also wrote parenting manuals based off of customary law then, with this customary law mandating attachment parenting.

America is a Christian nation, founded on Judeo-Christian family values. The Bible and its context is where we glean as a society as to how to behave and treat each other with respect. It just so happens that the Jewish parenting manuals written by biblical writers were not translated into English from the Hebrew until the 1960s.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torrents, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

"Benign" deprivation: Why "frequent and often" use of the word "no" can be child abuse

Many parents buy into the use of "benign" deprivation. This parenting advice ultimately refers to saying "no" to children "frequent and often". This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the Bible states that saying "no" all of the time can be child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards a child. The idea behind not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults - be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt the feeling of another. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, such as when your child is upset by a set limit. However, if you ever say "no" out of anger or haste, you should definitely apologize for losing your cool as a parent, then with you committing never to ever lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. One thing that hurts children's feelings is the word "no", whether stated calmly or out of haste. The idea behind offense avoidance, apart from apologizing to children, is to avoid hurting your child's feelings by only saying "no" to children when absolutely necessary, meaning almost never. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, opposed any and all punitive parenting of children. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Under customary law in the Early Church, the word "no" was banned as a general rule. The only exceptions to this rule is if the petitioned requests from children were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Whenever a child could not accept the word "no", parents apologized to children for saying "no". Even then, parents found nicer-sounding ways to decline a request, such as "that won't work", "that can't happen", or "that isn't possible".

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

 

Back talk: Why parents should apologize to their children when they talk back

Many parents have had to deal with it from time to time. A child being defiant to the limits set by parents. This is a common motive for parents spanking or punishing their children. The fact of the matter is that back talk happens when a child cannot accept a set limit. This means that parents should apologize for hurting their child's feelings. In fact, failure to apologize to a child that you upset can be child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is stated in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults - be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt the feelings of another. One form of hurt feelings in children is back talk. Whenever a child talks back, you should be willing to give a reassurance of good intent. However, if you ever react to back talk out of haste or anger, you should definitely give a formal apology for losing your cool, with you then committing to never losing your cool with child ever again, as losing your cool alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Sometimes, a limit has to be set in order for the child to be safe. However, much of the time, children cannot accept limits, and this is what motivates back talk in children. The idea is to apologize to your child any time that they cannot accept a limit, usually with this apology coming in the form of a reassurance of good intent. However, if a parent loses their cool with their children, they should give a formal apology, and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

"Biblical spanking": Why the rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses

Many parents think that the Bible is a pro-spanking document. The most common verses cited by pro-spanking advocates are in the book of Proverbs. Most people think that these verses are pro-spanking in terms of interpretation. However, this claim sits on shaky ground. These 6 rod verses are repealed verses.

One of the most commonly cited rod verses is Proverbs 13:24 KJV:

He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

The Hebrew word translated "son" is ben and refers here to a mature adult son. The Hebrew word translated "rod" is shebet and refers to, in the context of the book of Proverbs, to a switch applied to the bare back. Ultimately, this passage refers to a form of judicial corporal punishment known as the 40 minus 1 lashes, with the father deputized by the Sanhedrin to physically punish his errant son. However, striking another Jew outside of a courtroom setting was considered unlawful then. Striking a minor child at all was unlawful as well then. The only reason for this commandment is that, otherwise, fathers would refuse to whip his son. Jewish parents then were naturally the type to shield their children from authority, even to a fault.

Christ did away with these harsh punishments with His Work on the cross. One of these punishments wss the 40 minus 1 lashes. Christ Himself suffered the 40 minus 1 lashes unjustly, before being executed unjustly. With this evidence, we can conclude that the rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses. 

Proverbs 13:24 does not refer to a biblical spanking. However, God does weigh in on the spanking issue. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including anyparent anger directed towards children. It is not enough to stop spanking or punishing your child - you need to avoid offense in your child. Offense avoidance with children is the same as offense avoidance with other adults - give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt the feelings of another. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent in parents, such as when a child is upset by a set limit. However, if you ever set a limit out of anger or haste, you should definitely give a formal apology to your child, and then commit never to ever lose your cool with your child, as losing your cool with your child at all is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicted a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking and other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

All of the biblical writers wrote about parenting in their secular writings, in the form of parenting manuals. These parenting manuals were written to recommend attachment parenting. Even King Solomon wrote several attachment parenting manuals for the little ones. Attachment parenting was the conventional parenting of Ancient Israel, with Jews even today being attachment parents. All punitive parenting is currently banned in modern Israel.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!