"Benign" deprivation: Why children don't need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often"

Many parents have bought into it. The idea that children need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often". This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, saying "no" to your children "frequent and often" can be a form of child abuse in and of itself/ Most American parents need an attitude adjustment on this issue.

God's Law on child abuse, including "benign" deprivation, is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to avoid hurting their feelings, including with the word "no". One thing that hurts a child's feelings more than anything is being told "no" for almost everything that they ask for. The key here is to avoid saying "no" to a child whenever possible. The idea is to reserve the word "no" for when children are behaving in an unsafe manner, such as running into a busy street or playing ball in the house, or else when they ask for something unsafe. Apart from that, parents should avoid offense in children by avoiding the word "no". However, sometimes hurt feelings are inevitable in children when they are told "no", in which case a meaningful apology is in order. In many cases, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, for limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

Children need to hear your "yes" far more often than your "no". The idea is to avoid saying "no" to your child except for safety's sake. Whenever you hurt your child's feelings with the word "no", you should give a meaningful apology for hurting your child's feelings. However, if you ever lose your child as a parent while saying "no", you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger.

A common place for contention in parenting is in the store. In most cases, a child picks up a small item from the shelf - usually a candy bar - and then the parent tells the child "put that back", and from there, the power struggle begins. In the Early Church, the candy that all the children wanted was licorice. When children got licorice off of the shelf, parents knew that they'd have to pay extra, but they didn't care, since their child was like God to them (see Matt. 25:31-46). The idea is to get for your child whatever their heart contents. If you cannot afford it, promise them to save money yourself for the item that is too much to afford. 

Most of the time, there is a better way to decline a request from a child than a flat-out "no". In most cases, all that is necessary is a nicer-sounding declination of requests, such as "that won't work", "that can't happen, or that isn't possible". A firm "no" should be saved for clearly unsafe behavior, such as running into traffic or playing ball in the house. A child usually cannot understand the dangers of a busy street until they are at least age 6, and thus before that age, children need to be nurtured at home as babies, with breastfeeding lasting until age 6 or even beyond in some cases. The Early Christians treated young children under age 6 as babies, with many children being nourished with the teat of mothers for as long as necessary, meaning sometimes until age 6 or even beyond.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! 

Adult attraction to children: Individual responsibility for adults attracted to children

Child sexual abuse is a very real problem in today's society. 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Most adults support the concept of collective responsibility, meaning that the collective of adults stop a would-be child predator from sexually abusing child victims. However, there is a better way to deal with child sexual abuse - allow for adult attraction to children to exist on the surface. This is known as individual responsibility, meaning we all have a risk of sexually abusing a child as adults. 

The Bible does not prohibit pedophilia, when understood in context. The Greek root word translated "fornication" in the Bible is πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and refers here not to pedophilic desires, but to any sexual relations with a child, or else any pornography of such on the possession of an adult's person. This Greek word ultimately prohibits any sexual relations outside of the context of a Christian marriage between one adult man and one adult woman, with this marriage needing to be equal in nature. A groom in the Early Church could only have a bride his age or up to 4 years older than him. Any marriage without a formal ceremony, including with a child, was deemed a fraudulent marriage. Intergenerational marriage was banned in the Early Church. But, ordinary sexual attraction to children was not seen then as sinful, as much as a flaw that could possibly be used for good. Some pedophiles were appointed to positions in clergy, where they both gave parenting advice and took in orphaned children when nobody else wanted the child. When children were taken in by pedophiles, sexual relations or advances towards the child was banned. The Apostle Paul was a pedophile, and he simply lactated for his 1 child charge that he took in, meaning Paul never sexually abused any child. However, Paul did masturbate to sexual thoughts of his child charge. Mary was 14 when marrying Joseph, but Joseph was 13 at the time of marrying Mary.

Child sexual abuse was rare in the biblical context, meaning it was next to non-existent. What most adults then did to avoid sexually abusing a child was masturbate righteously to thoughts of children, including usually their own daughters if they were men. The concept of adult attraction to children then existed on the surface level, meaning pedophiles then were free to admit their condition as they pleased. There was no shame in admitting to pedophilic sexual desire then. Whenever a pedophile identified in the Early Church, they were given the help that they needed, meaning usually just a listening ear for their unrequited sexual desires, meaning they were able to talk out their desires with a listening ear.

Righteous masturbation is the individual responsibility of all adults sexually attracted to children. In the Early Church, each adult had a masturbation standard, and when the masturbation standard did not include young children, such as his daughter, he was suspected of having something to hide. Most men in particular then were open about their child fantasies, and so when they were skittish about their desires, they were seen as at-risk for sexually abusing a child. This standard is known as pro-social pedophiles, meaning let the non-abusive ones show. 

In Israel, there exists the Jewish teaching of righteous pedophilia. That means that pedophilia is on the joke level in Israeli society. The presumption is that if a man can joke about his attraction to children, he was not really a risk to children at all. The more Hasidic of Jews are in line with Christian teaching, meaning they are a man of few words about their child fantasies. However, Israel had a relatively high age of consent - meaning they have an age of consent of 17 in Israel. Child sexual abuse is rare in Jewish circles in Israel, and is instead seen as a Christian problem, sadly enough.

Pedophilia is a valid mental illness. Most people think that the only good treatment for pedophiles is aversion therapy. However, pedophilia itself is a largely self-treatable disorder. Most pedophiles need listening therapy. Most pedophiles do not have a narcissist attached to them. All they need is a caring and kind therapist to listen reflectively to their desires. It is a burden on them, not a narcissist. Most pedophilia exists on the same level as inherent trauma. The gold standard for treating pedophilia is in conjunction with trauma therapy. 

Pedophilia is a developmental disorder in the realm of sexual development. Pedophilia is not a narcissist, but instead is a form of arrested sexual development under the genetic umbrella of autism, meaning that a pedophile is born, not made. Pedophiles start out attracted to same-age peers when children, but as they grow up chronologically, their attraction figures did not. Pedophilia is a genetic disorder associated with autism. Most pedophiles have some degree of autism, and many actually have the official diagnosis of autism. A pedophile usually has their whole world revolve around children, when most adults see children as a small part of life. Most pedophiles are the last of adults to sexually abuse a child, with many pedophiles instead posing a danger to themselves, meaning suicide problems are common with pedophiles.

When should a pedophile be suspected of a risk to children? If you hear a known pedophile insist that they are cured, doubt them completely. Usually, they just decide not to think about it, oftentimes with toxic religion. The less you masturbate to sexual thoughts of children, the more you have to. There is no cure for pedophilia. 

I support the mandatory reporting laws for therapists to go by. The way around these otherwise problematic laws is educating therapists on when to report. "Reasonable suspicion" should mean something very specific - when the pedophile explicitly discloses an offense to the therapist. Go to any trauma-informed clinician in the United States, and expect listening and validation in return for disclosing pedophilia in their therapy office. The idea behind treating a pedophile is the same as trauma - they need to disclose a burden that is their attraction to children. Pedophiles themselves have a collective trauma from parents, usually in the form of sexual shaming trauma. A therapist should only report a pedophile client when they specifically disclose an offense. 

Most child sexual abuse has nothing to do with pedophilia. Instead, any old adult has the capacity to sexually abuse a child under the right/wrong conditions. Most child sexual abuse exists in sexually repressed environments, with the adult in question being in denial of their child fantasies. Usually, the victims are teenagers, not young children, with most serial rapists simply swinging low in their rapes. A pedophile instead has a sexual preference for children under age 14. Most child rapes are committed by parents, not pedophiles. This family sexual dynamic is known as the "electra" complex. When in doubt as to the identity of the abuser, look first in the parents, as that is who is usually doing it. Pedophiles should be suspected last, as 3 out of 4 pedophiles have never committed a sexual offense against a child. Sometimes, pedophiles do turn into career offenders. but only when in denial of their pedophilic desires. However, most pedophiles are painfully aware of their desires for children, and also know that raping a child is morally and legally wrong. Most pedophile rapes are committed by pedophiles with co-morbid intellectual developmental disorder, when the offender has no concept of sex with children being wrong. 

The deptaved and decadent, defiled parents and other adults who rape and sexually abuse a child will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them descend into the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent!

"Spare the rod, spoil the child": Why the rod verses in the book of Proverbs are repealed verses

Many parents think that the Bible condones or even commands spanking children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents cite 5 verses in Proverbs and 1 passage in Hebrews as their "proof" that spanking is biblical. However, there are precisely 6 verses in the book of Proverbs that mention the rod explicitly. The Bible here refers to judicial corporal punishment, not domestic corporal punishment.

One of the most favorite of rod verses cited by pro-spanking advocates is Proverbs 13:24 KJV:

He who spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

The Hebrew root word translated "son" is ben and refers here to a mature adult son. The Hebrew root word translated "rod" is shebet and refers here to the 40 minus 1 lashes, applied to the bare back, in a courtroom setting, as a sentence for a crime. This punishment was a final warning before an errant son was put to death for running afoul of the law. However, striking another adult Jew was prohibited then outside of the context of a courtroom. Striking a minor child then was prohibited in all settings.  The reason for the rod verses was that, otherwise, Jewish parents would shield their adult children from guilt under the Law.

Christ died on the cross in order to end all of the harsh punishments of the Old Testament. Christ abolished all corporal punishment by way of enduring it unjustly before being placed on the cross. The Early Christians did not practice corporal punishment as a means of church discipline. 

The teaching of "biblical spanking" is a man-made teaching. The Bible nowhere legitimately allows for, or commands, the use of punitive measures in parenting. However, the Bible does touch on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever your hurt your child's feelings. Many times, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if your ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to loss your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. Thus commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by the child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men,

King Solomon was not pro-spanking in the case of a minor child being whipped. Only adult children could be whipped by their father, and only after the errant son received many warnings beforehand by eyewitnesses.. King Solomon wrote parenting manuals to Jewish parents advocating attachment parenting. Attachment parenting was the norm in both Ancient Israel and the Early Church, with children up until age 6 suckling the teat of mothers, and otherwise being allowed to cry for their every vulnetable need. 

The rod in Proverbs does not refer to any corporal punishment apart from judicial corporal punishment  An Israelite whipping was a rare event. When the Sanhedrin convicted an adult child for running afoul of the law, he was whipped in the courtroom by his father. A common reason for a whipping was elder abuse and neglect, and even then, never was a minor child ever whipped then.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Hebrews 12:5-6: Why this passage is not a pro-spanking passage

Many parents think that the Bible allows for, or even commands, the use of force in parenting. This is a common attitude towards children amongst American parents. Most American parents and pastors cite 5 verses in Proverbs, and 1 passage in Hebrews, as their "proof" that spanking is biblical. The core passage in the New Testament used for pro-spanking purposes is Heb. 12:5-6. However, the argument concerning Heb. 12:5-6 sits on shaky ground. Heb. 12:5-6 refers to enduring hardship, not an earthly parent punishing his/her child. 

God's Word on trials and tribulations is spelled out in Hebrews 12:5-6 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

When understood properly, this passage is comforting to me. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαπτιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and can have a figurative meaning to it, as si the case here. This sort of metaphor was known as rod language. If a Christian had a long day at work in biblical times, he instead said "God whipped me hard today". God obviously does not come down from the Heavens and whip His children. However, God does punish His children, like only He can, sending trials and tribulations the way of His children that He cherishes the most. However, God only punishes His children when it does not harm them, whereas earthly parents only punish their children when it does, in fact, harm them. This passage was intended as reassurance for the Hebrew Christians in their persecution from Rome. 

The teaching of "biblical spanking" is a man-made teaching. God does not want earthly parents to use His Parenting methods, as we as human beings could get it wrong. However, the Bible does touch on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limits for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to apologize for hurting your child's feelings with your anger", such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you, and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating as "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting any offenses in children as perceived by the child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law. but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

The staple punishment jn the broader Greco-Roman world was a spanking to the bare bottom with an open hand. However, the Early Christians shunned such parenting as of this world. However, some church infiltrators got into the Early Christian churches. Paul would have none of it in the churches that he oversaw, and sent commandments to the parishes at Colossae and Ephesus prohinting even offending your child at minimum. 

It is a myth that the Early Christians were well-integrated into Rome. The Eaely Christians instead lived in urban enclaves in big cities, shunning the outside Greco-Roman world, and the outside world at large. The Early Christians had their own court sysrem, their own customs, and their own cuisine. The Early Christians had a culture of their own, aparr from broader Greco-Roman culture. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Child abuse definitions: Why the Bible calls for tougher laws combatting child abuse

Many parents think that the Bible has no concept of child abuse apart from obeying the law of the land. Most American parents support the present-day child abuse definitions under state and federal law. However, God's Law is above the law of the land. The Bible has its own definition of child abuse - whatever the child victim perceives as abuse.

The Greek root word denoting parental entitlement is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and is defined as, officially speaking, wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, parental entitlement consists of a parent who is sorely disappointed when they don't get the well-behaved child that feel that they deserve. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children just for existing. Even any parent anger directed towards a child is parental entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. Whenever this sense of entitlement in parents, in the Early Church, was perceived by a child as offensive or damaging, it was deemed child abuse. See also Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. Child abuse in the Bible, as a legal concept, consists of entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. The key here to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offense in children as perceived by a child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The Greek root word translated "they be discouraged" is αθυμέω (Latin: athumeo) and refers here to long-term damages, namely childhood trauma. The ancients had their own understanding of childhood trauma. Whenever a child grew up to be atheist, shame fell onto the parents of the atheist, not the atheist themselves. An atheist in the Early Church was seen as an abused child, not a "lost soul" to be "won over". 

The ancients in the Bible even had a concept of child sexual abuse. The Greek root word translated "fornication" in the New Testament is πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and refers here to any sexual relations outside of the context of a Christian marriage between one adult man and one adult woman, with the marriage being equal in terms of chronological age. A groom was only allowed a bride his age or up to 4 years older. Mary was 14 when she married Joseph, but Joseph was 13 at the time. All sexual relations between an adult of a child, or any sexual advances from adults, was banned in the Early Church, including intergenerational marriages. Most child sexual abuse then came in the form of father-child incest, with daughters being the usual targets. Most fathers of young daughters in the Early Church masturbated to sexual thoughts of his daughters. Child sexual abuse then was rare, meaning next to non-existent apart from a few documented cases. Attraction to children then was at the joke level, meaning men in particular were honest about their attractions to children, albeit as a man of few words about it. In this setup, child sexual abuse was hidden only in a way that stood out, with children knowing what was happening to them in a way that they could self-report their abuser. A normal adult was honest about his child fantasies, whereas an abuser adult tried to hide what couldn't be hidden. 

It is a myth that the Early Christians were well-integrated into Rome. The fact of the matter is that the Early Christians lived in urban enclaves, shunning the outside Greco-Roman world. These enclaves had their own court system, and also had their own customs and cuisine. 

Child abuse was prosecuted in the Early Church by way of internal church investigation. This investigation usually started with a child confiding into a clergyperson about their home life. From there, the parents were summoned to appear before a council of 3 elders. If the parents at all got defensive in court, instead of answering to the court, they were excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God, alongside all who testified on behalf of the parents.

The Bible is an anti-spanking document. All 88 books of the Bible - from Genesis to Revelation - were written by anti-spanking Jews, with most Jews throughout history being anti-spanking. All of the biblical writers also wrote parenting manuals advocating attachment parenting. Even King Solomon wrote an attachment parenting manual, with the rod in Proverbs referring to judicial corporal punishment in the form of the 40 minus 1 lashes. It just do happens that these attachment parenting manuals were only translated into English in the 1960s. Before then, this level of knowledge about parenting was known only to the Jewish world.

The Bible is America's book. America is a Christian nation, founded on Judeo-Christian values. We as a society glean from the Bible and its context as to how to live and treat each other with respect. Even our legal codes, under the English common law, are based off of Christian teaching. However, the legal defense of "reasonable chastisement" is based off of dated biblical teaching. It is about time we repeal the "reasonable chastisement" defense, and redefine child abuse under the secular law as anything that the child victim perceives as abuse.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and burning sulfur, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Child discipline: How to discipline your child without punitive measures

Many parents want it from children. Most American parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for parents to have. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment. However, there are better ways to discipline a child than punishing them. The idea is to catch them being good, as opposed to when they misbehave. 

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to simply stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. This, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This first stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this first stanza of this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Ephesus as prohibiting causing any offenses in children as perceived by a child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

The second stanza of this commandment discusses appropriate disciplinary measures, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a certain specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching type. Christian parents in the Early Church looked for preferred behaviors in children, such as self-discipline and self-control. When children showed these good traits, parents gave lavish praise and encouragement for more good behavior of the same. Christian parents in the Early Church imparted a good example for children to emulate, with this good example being backed up by praise and encouragement, not punishment or force. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a base human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated to "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore, with the Bible left open to a reassuring passage such as The Beatitudes. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, parents praised and encouraged their children to keep on studying the Bible, with fathers then interjecting something along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. This second stanza of this commandment ultimately refers to the Judeo-Christian tradition of positive reinforcement. This Hebraic tradition is the most time-honored way to discipline a child, with this Hebraic tradition predating Christ by thousands of years.

When children in the Early Church made a mess, parents laughed with their mischievous child. When children struck out at their parents, parents then cried with their children. Children were seen in the Early Church as next to God, meaning not "sinful swats".

Sometimes, you as a parent need to set a limit. However, children setting limits is a whole other story. Whenever your child cannot accept a set limit, you as the parent need to apologize for hurting your child's feelings with your limits. Usually, all that is necessary is an informal apology for hurting your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a a parent while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger. 

Unlike in most ancient cultures, fathers in the Early Church did not sexually correct a child for crying too much. The Bible, as understood in context, is completely opposed to child sexual abuse. The Greek root word translated "fornication" in the New Testament is πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and refers here to any sexual relations outside of the context of a Christian marriage between one adult man and one adult woman, with there needing to be equity in this marriage. Fathers did not sexually correct children, but instead praised and encouraged good traits in children. Mothers nurtured up close, whereas fathers nurtured from afar in a teaching way. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel deserving of honor and respect. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents feel insistent on children "honoring" and "respecting" parents. However, the Fifth Commandment refers to a specific form of honoring parents - caring for them as they age.

The Fifth Commandment is spelled out in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 

And is repeated in Ephesians 6:2-3 KJV:

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 

The Greek root word translated "honour" in Eph. 6:2-3 is τιμαω (Latin: timao) and refers to being a caregiver to someone else, in this context your aging parents. The Fifth Commandment was originally given under the Law because Ancient Israel had an epidemic of elder abuse and neglect. The idea here is to give thanks to your parents for how they cared for you, and give them the same loving kindness that they gave you. However, this only works if your parents were loving and kind towards you as a child. If your parents were abusive to you, you have the right to shun your entitled parents.

Many parents feel entitled to children listening to them and honoring them. A common reason for punishing children is the parents feeling dishonored. In quite a few American homes, children are only punished for clear "dishonor" and "disrespect". However, the Bible prohibits all forms of punitive parenting, including when a child is "dishonoring" parents. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children too anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child, including for "disrespect" or "dishonor". However, it is not enough to simply stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandment, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by children, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

It is a myth that the Bible says to obey parents blindly. The Greek root word translated as "obey" in Col. 3:20 and Eph. 6:1 is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and translates literally as "rest under", meaning children form a secure bond with their parents. This comes in the form of mutual askance, meaning children ask things of parents, and parents ask things of children. Usually, children did what was asked of them, but also had the right to ask things of parents. 

I myself forgive my parents for abusing me. But, you do not have to forgive your parents unless they give a meaningful apology, and if they go back on their apology, you can simply go back on your forgiveness. Even if you do choose to forgive your parents, you don't have to forget what they put you through. My parents abused me within the law, meaning that though I have made peace with them, I still hate the law that protected them. The core of my trauma comes from my father spanking me "out of love" in the form of a disciplinary spanking. My father thought it would hurt him more than it hurt me. He was wrong. It hurt me much more than it hurt him. I fought back when my parents punished me, ad debated my whole family on the issue of spanking and punitive parenting. My parents both leaned on parent lobby parenting literature, and so I blame the parent lobby for my trauma as a survivor of law-abiding parents. I do forgive my parents for abusing me, but I never will forget how I was treated as a child by them. 

Children need to learn respect. That is a given. However, the idea is to model respect for parents by way of parents bestowing respect onto children. The more you as a parent respect your child in your attitude towards them, the more they will learn to respect you. In a school setting, children who are bullies have bullies as parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!