Many parents have been there. A child is acting defiant, oftentimes at the most inopportune of times. This is a common and normal situation that most parents find themselves in. Most American parents punish their children for defiance. However, defiance is not intended as anything personal coming from a child. They just cannot accept a set limit.
God's Law on punishing children for defiance is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your defiant child, or even stop punishing your defiant child for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. One reason why children's feelings are hurt is when they cannot accept a set limit coming from a parent. This form of hurt feelings in children often comes in the form of defiance. Defiance, in most cases, comes in the form of forceful tears. This defiance in children comes from a child not being able to accept a set limit. Thus, when children are defiant towards you, you need to avoid offense in children by being willing to meaningfully apologize for hurting their feelings with limits that they cannot accept. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, in the form of an informal apology, for hurting your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received as prohibiting all offenses in children, as perceived by the child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.
Punishing your child was not received well by your average 1st Century Christian. Anything punitive ytowards a child was seen then as pagan in origin, and was shunned by Christians as such. The Early Christians were not, in fact, well integrated into Rome. The Early Christians lived in impoverished ghettos, and shunned the outside Greco-Roman world, winning over new believers by way of invitation only.
Any parent anger directed towards a child was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. Most Christian parents in the Early Church were not motivated by anger, but instead were motivated by worry or concern. Whenever a parent even lost their cool on church grounds with their children, the whole church turned on them, and they were swiftly excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God. Parent anger at children was seen as a viper lashing out at its prey - maybe the child got a warning, but that was about it.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!