Religious child abuse: Why not to abuse your child in the name of religion

Many parents have heard it. The concept of religious child abuse. Religious child abuse is said to have a vague and subjective understanding to it. However, religious child abuse has a very specific meaning to it - religious entitlement, leading to offense in children. 

The Greek root word denoting religious entitlement is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers here to a form of parental entitlement. Religious entitlement consists of, officially speaking, wanting children to believe just like you do, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, religious entitlement is when you force your religious beliefs onto a child. Whenever this entitlement is perceived by the child as offensive or damaging, it was deemed religious child abuse. The Early Christians did give their children a religious education, but not by forcing their beliefs onto their children. See also Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

This first stanza spells out that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. Religious child abuse comes in the form of religious entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. In order to not abuse your child in the name of religion, you need to avoid offense in children. Whenever a child's feelings are hurt by religion being forced on them, it is an offense, thus child abuse. One way to understand religious child abuse is a child refusing to go to church - maybe the reason for church refusal is that the child is forced to attend church. Whenever you force a child to do something, expect them to go the opposite direction. Religious entitlement ultimately comes in the form of anger whenever children fall short of parental religious expectations. The idea is to formally apologize whenever you lose your cool with your child for any reason, including for religious reasons, such as "I apologize for pushing my beliefs onto you", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child at all, including for religious reasons, as any parent anger directed towards a child is parental entitlement, and when the anger is based off of religion, religious entitlement. In the Early Church, children under age 6 stayed at home with mom, with the man of the house attending church on his family's behalf, allowing the child to perhaps choose their own religious beliefs later in childhood, and form a secure bond with mom in the mean time. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive measures on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment ultimately was received as offense stemming from religion being forced on them. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking ,and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Religious instruction was a concept in the Early Church. However, religious instruction in the Early Church was largely self-directed by the child, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was discussing religious instruction, of a certain type. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for his child to teach themselves how to read on. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep on studying the Bible. Fathers then interjected "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context.

Religious trauma was a concept in biblical times. Whenever a child grew up to be atheist, shame fell onto the parents, not the child. The parents then were seen as being too hard on children, and once their abuse came to light, they were excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God.

Religious entitlement is when you force your religious beliefs onto your children. When this entitlement lead to offense, it was deemed religious child abuse. Most parents simply want their children to have values. But, if you ever are angry at your child for not believing exactly as you do, you are a religious abuser of children. The idea is to commit to never getting angry with your child ever again, as parent anger directed towards children is entitlement, and when this anger is religiously motivated, religious entitlement. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Defiance: Why punishing your child for defiance is child abuse

Many parents have been there. A child acting defiant toward parents. Most parents think that a defiant child is "undermining parental authority". However, when your child is acting defiant, they aren't out to get you - they simply can't accept a set limit. Punishing your child for defiance is a form of child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child, including for defiance. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your child altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. One way that a child's feelings are hurt are when they cannot accept a set limit. This displeasure toward set limits many times comes in the form of defiance. Defiance, most of the time, comes in response to the word "no". Defiance usually comes in the form of forceful tears, protesting a limit that the child cannot accept. The key to avoiding offense here is to give a meaningful apology right when your child is defying your limits, thus helping them accept set limits. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, for hurting your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you" , and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translated "power to the parent", including the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishing children. However, this commandment ultimately was received as prohibiting all forms of offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Defiance in children is normal, and is developmentally appropriate behavior in children. Most children have their moments where they defy their parents. The key to dealing with defiance is to apologize for the antecedent behind the defiance, namely the child not being able to accept a set limit. The purpose of a meaningful apology for hurting your child's feelings is to help them accept a set limit. Usually, children forgive their parents when they apologize. If the child does not accept your apology, that is a sign of trauma in your child.

Defiance in children, in the broader Greco-Roman world, was seen as deserving of punishment. Most children then were punished by way of an open-handed spanking to a bare bottom. The Early Christians, contrary to popular belief, were not well-integrated into broader Greco-Roman society, and instead shunned the outside world. One issue where they shunned the broader Greco-Roman world was on parenting. The Christians then were hated for being "too soft" on their children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

"Biblical spanking": Why the rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses

Many parents use the Bible as an excuse for spanking or punishing children. Most American parents cite 6 verses in Proverbs that mention the rod of correction as their "proof" that there is such a thing as a "biblical spanking". However, the Bible does not endorse any punishment of a child whatsoever.

One of the most popular rod verses used by pro-spanking parents is found in Proverbs 13:24 KJV:

He who spareth his rod hateth his son: but he who loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

The Hebrew word translated "son" is ben and refers here to a mature adult son. The Hebrew word translated "rod" is shebet and refers here to the rod of correction, namely a switch. The rod of correction here refers to the 40 minus 1 lashes, administered to the bare back, in the context of a courtroom, as a sentence for a crime. It was unlawful then to strike a fellow adult Jew outside the context of a courtroom, and it was never lawful to strike a minor child even as a sentence for a crime. The whole reason for this passage is that, otherwise, fathers would refuse to whip his son. The court deputized the father of the errant young adult to whip said descendant. The 40 minus 1 lashes was a final warning before a criminal offender was put to death.

The harsh punishments of the Old Testament are repealed verses. Christ abolished all capital and corporal punishment with His Work on the cross. Christ repealed the rod verses in Proverbs by enduring the 40 minus 1 lashes from the Roman authorities unjustly. The Early Christians shunned all Roman whippings and executions, and did not whip or execute parishioners who committed moral offenses. 

There is no such thing as a "biblical spanking" anywhere in the Bible. The rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses, as they are nowhere found legitimately in the New Testament, with Heb. 12:5-6 referring to trials and tribulations. However, the Bible does weigh in on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to simply stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your children altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in other adults, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt their feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received as a prohibition on all offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

In the Early Church, throughout its history, deacons had to deal with entire parishes who were infiltrated with pro-spanking interlopers. These interlopers were usually Greek Christians, and they too cited the book of Proverbs for their "proof" that spanking is biblical. Paul would have none of it in the parishes that he oversaw, and gave a commandment to the parishes at Colossae and Ephesus in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought the punitive parenting into the church.

Not only was spanking banned in the Early Church, but so was any anger directed towards a child. Most Christian parents in the Early Church were not motivated by anger, but were instead motivated by worry or concern. Any anger at a child was seen then as akin to a viper lashing out at its prey - maybe the child was warned beforehand, but that was about it.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Hebrews 12:5-6: Why this passage is not a pro-spanking passage

Many parents think that the Bible endorses, or even commands, the use of corporal punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents cite a few verses in Proverbs, as well as a passage in Hebrew, as their "proof" that spanking is biblical. However, the doctrine of "biblical spanking" ultimately rests on the passage in Hebrews that mentions the rod. But, this "proof" sits on shaky ground. Hebrews 12:5-6 ultimately refers to enduring hardship, not any sort of punishment in parenting.

God's Word on trials and tribulations is spelled out in Hebrews 12:5-6 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For  whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

When this passage is understood correctly, it is comforting to me. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and can have a figurative meaning to it. This sort of metaphor is known as rod language. If you had a long day at work as a Christian then, you instead said "God whipped me hard today". God does not literally whip His children from the Heavens. However, God does punish His children, like only He can, sending trials and tribulations thee way of the children that He cherishes the most. But, God only punishes His children when it does not harm them. Whereas, earthly parents only punish their children when it does, in fact, harm them. Paul here was consoling the Hebrew Christians in their persecution from Rome.

There is no such thing as a "biblical spanking". God does not want His Parenting methods copied by earthly parents, as earthly parents could get it wrong. However, the Bible does weigh in on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your child altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology to your child whenever you hurt their feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received as banning all forms of offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The staple punishment in the broader Greco-Roman world in parenting was a spanking to the bare bottom with an open hand. This sort of punishment was seen in the Early Church as pagan in origin, and was shunned as of this world. Paul would have none of it in the churches that he oversaw, and sent a commandment to the parishes at Colossae and Ephesus convicting punitive parents in those respective parishes, convicting parents who offended their children. 

Parent anger directed towards children was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. Most of the Christian parents in the Early Church were not motivated by anger, but instead were motivated by worry or concern. Anger at children was seen then as akin to a viper lashing out at its prey - maybe the child got a warning, but that was about it. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Redefining child abuse: Why the Bible calls for expanding child abuse definitions

Many parents think that the ancients in the Bible had no concept of child abuse. Most American parents support the present-day definitions of child abuse under state and federal law. However, God's Law is above the law of the land. The Bible has its own definition of child abuse - whatever the child victim perceives as abuse.

The Greek root word denoting parental entitlement is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and is defines as, officially speaking, wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, parental entitlement consists of a parent that is sorely disappointed when they don't get the well-behaved child that they feel that they deserve. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children just for existing. Even any parent anger directed towards a child is parental entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. When this sense of entitlement in parents was perceived by a child as offensive or damaging, it was deemed child abuse. See also Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. Child abuse in the Bible, as a legal concept, consists of entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received as prohibiting all offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The Greek root word translated "they be discouraged" is αθυμέω (Latin: athumeo) and refers to long-term damages, namely childhood trauma. The ancients in the Bible had a basic understanding of childhood trauma. Whenever a child grew up to be atheist, it was seen as a shame on the parents, with the parents being seen as being too harsh on the child. An atheist was seen in the Early Church as an abused child,  not a "lost soul" to be "won over"

The ancients even had a concept of child sexual abuse. The Greek root word translated "fornication" is πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and refers here to any sexual relations outside of the context of a Christian marriage between one adult man and one adult woman, with the marriage being equal in terms of age. Intergenerational marriage was unlawful in the Early Church. A groom was only allowed a bride his age, or up to 4 years older. Most child sexual abuse then came in the form of father-child incest, with daughters being the usual victims. Any sexual relations between an adult and a child was prohibited then, with the adult always being the one who was blamed. Most men had a masturbation policy that allowed for them to masturbate to sexual thoughts of their child, including their daughters. Child sexual abuse was rare in the biblical context, meaning it was almost non-existent. When it was discovered, it caused a huge moral outrage in the community. What was also banned was pornography in the possession of a person, including that which depicted children. 

Child abuse was prosecuted in the Early Church by way of internal church investigation. This investigation usually started with a child confiding to a clergyperson about their home life. From there, the parents of the child were summoned to appear before a council of 3 elders who would decide the fate of the parents. If the parents at all were defensive about their parenting, they were swiftly excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God. 

The Bible is an anti-spanking document. All 88 books of the Bible - from Genesis to Revelation - were written by anti-spanking Jews, with no Jew worth mentioning ever endorsing punitive measures in parenting. Each of the biblical writers also wrote parenting manuals that advocated attachment parenting. Even King Solomon wrote an attachment parenting manual, with the rod of correction referring to the 40 minus 1 lashes, in a courtroom setting, as a sentence for a crime. It just so happened that these parenting manuals were not translated into English until the 1960s.

The Bible is America's book. America is a Christian nation, founded on Judeo-Christian values. We as a society glean from the Bible and its context as to how to live and treat each other with respect. Even our legal codes under the English common law are based largely off of biblical teaching. However, the "reasonable chastisement" defense is based off of dated biblical teaching. It is about time we repeal the "reasonable chastisement" defense, and expand upon the definition of child abuse to include any abuse as perceived by a child victim. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torrents, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior in children

Many parents think that when their child is throwing a temper tantrum, that their child is "bad" or "naughty". This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents punish children for temper tantrums. However, a child is not deserving of punishment just for throwing a temper tantrum. 

Children cry for two reasons - they need something, or they cannot accept a limit set by parents. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here to dealing with temper tantrums is to avoid offense in children. One form of avoiding offense in children is responding to their every cry. Children younger than age 6 cry oftentimes due to having a vulnerable need that needs met. Many times, they have separation anxiety that needs reassured. Maybe they are hungry or thirsty as well. Every time you dismiss the cries of a child, you offend them, and they have the right to be offended by your negligence. The idea is instead to diagnose the needs of a tantrumming child, and then meet those needs. If you dismiss a cry of a child, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology to your child, especially when you are angry when you dismiss the cries of a child. If you at all angry when you dismiss the cries of your child, you need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger. Another way to avoid offense in children is to give a meaningful apology for hurting your child's feelings with limits that the child cannot accept, as such hurt feelings often come in the form of a temper tantrum when a child cannot accept a set limit. When children cannot accept a set limit, children need reassurance of good intent coming from parents, either in the form of an informal apology, or else a formal apology if you were at all angry with your child when they cried. Whenever a child's feelings are hurt by your anger, you need to give a formal apology along the lines of "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received as any offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Christian parents in the Early Church knew more than parents today that children who throw temper tantrums usually do so due to a vulnerable need that needs being met. Customary law in the Early Church understood children as having five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and/or attachment - with the greatest of these needs being attachment! Whenever a child cried out of nowhere, mothers cooed before she diagnosed the need, and then met it. A common need for children under age 6 was separation anxiety.

Sometimes, a child cannot accept a set limit. In this case, a parent should be willing to apologize to their child, and mean it. Your children will forgive you for limits that they cannot accept, as children only resent their children for big things, not little things such as a limit that they don't like. If your child does not forgive you, you have traumatized them with your actions.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke not your child to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and burning sulfur, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

"Benign" deprivation: Why saying "no" to children "frequent and often" can be child abuse

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, these American parents need an attitude adjustment. The reason for this attitude adjustment is that when you tell your child "no" all of the time, it can be seen as child abuse if it upsets the child.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. One thing that hurts the feelings of children is saying "no" to your child "frequent and often". The key to avoiding offense in this context is to only tell a child "no" when absolutely necessary, meaning rarely. When a child cannot accept the word "no", you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan customs of parenting, which were punitive in nature. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the Early Christians as any offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Most parents know when the word "no" is necessary, but somehow think that children are going to ask for "more, and then some". Children usually ask for things because they know who brings good things to them. They aren't out to manipulate you. Just say "yes" and get it over with. The child simply wants YOU to bring them good things, to know that you love them. 

One common place of contention in parenting is the store. Most children want that candy bar off of the shelf, and the parents say "put that back", and the child doesn't want to. You can surely afford a candy bar. A child isn't going to ask for much more, if they do, in fact, ask for more. If you truly cannot afford what they want, then perhaps you should save up money on their behalf, or else tell them "no" and apologize for the word "no". In the Early Church, a popular candy was licorice, and children always wanted it. Parents simply asked for the licorice to be handed to them, and then they paid for it alongside the other items. If the child wanted to open the package in the middle of the market, the parent simply asked for the item ahead of time, and said something along the lines of "you can have this back once I pay for it". 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!