Hello, my name is Maxwell, and I am a survivor of law-abiding parents. I was punished as a child starting at age 3 with spanking done "out of love", meaning preplanned and with "just a deep breath" before a planned battering of a child. I can tell that my late abusive father then was heavily influenced by John Rosemond and the ilk of him who abuse children while dressing it as otherwise through propagating parents throughout the land. At one point, I wanted the abuse to end so bad that I wanted to seek asylum in a foreign country.
I, for a long time, had anxiety around children, while at the same time was realizing a sexual attraction to them, meaning pedophilia by the understanding of a mental health professional. I was terrified to the point of freezing at one point when a parent as much as raised their voice to a child, assuming they had something to hide that was even more drastic. Think broad daylight and grunge scenery in an ordinary home in plain sight, then crying without background music of any kind. It was a vivid, catastrophic image of harm befalling the child through abuse within the law...I am a highly sensitive person (HSP).
Over the years, I have worked on my condition to the point where I test as an angry victim, in centered format. I AM ANGRY at how children ARE FUCKEN ABUSED BY THEIR PARENTS! FOOK PARENTS, and FOOK PARENTAL RIGHTS! "Fook" for a pedophile means trauma, alongside "fock", but the latter denoting intent to abuse a child when in rows, meaning I just documented for you the anger against parents right now, and I FOOKING HATE parents, meaning anyone who calls themselves that word as an excuse for abuse. I also hate all adults, and hate that society expects me to demand respect from children due to me being eligible for a glorified title.
I am perhaps the most aware of my trauma from lawful spanking and that's why - because I am a pedophile. Pedophiles never forget, as it is a war-zone trauma due to our inability to absorb parenting norms readily, including toxic ones that endorse spanking and corporal punishment, leading to us never denying trauma, and spitting out ideological abuse like a fishhook, not taking any parental rights abuse as a child, sitting in perhaps or engaging in civil disobedience against adult rules...It's a fun, zapping type of anger, where you await the last day of the investigation, when you get to terrorize the parent with your own trauma. Trauma flashing.
I have an anger problem, yet I am rarely ever angry in my personal life. It is a booming, down from the hills sort of anger, that is judicial in nature. It is a pouch inside my gut that I can direct inward towards myself, or towards someone who poses a threat to the child, to the degree measured necessary to hit home the message, many times sounding like the joker.
I buried that image that scared me, with "innocent until proven guilty", meaning presuming, beyond a reasonable doubt, that my abuse isn't there, meaning unless I have every reason to believe that a parent is guilty, and no reason to believe that they are innocent, they are innocent, and I am to trust them, yet keep an eye on them until they show their true colors, then kick them out of everything for identifying themselves as the parent that they are, in entitled format.
My parents switched to gentle parenting when I was around age 16. I forgive my father because of that. I have experienced both worlds of parenting, attachment-based and behaviorist. Attachment parenting works much better at getting cooperation from parents. I didn't rebel after I noticed my parents switching to gentle parenting. I rebelled against the world around them that supported it. Today, I am more subdued about the subject, but speak out on my platform against punitive parenting and also permissive parenting when I can be objective - I am a permissive parent at heart, and want to go the absolute opposite way of my abuser.
My doctrine of attachment parenting is more structured for the parent than the child, with children getting most of what they want, and some of what they need instead, based on the premise that most of the time, parents say "no" when they are lazy and don't want to pay attention to their child. "No" should be rare, but it should occur, and parents should be reassuring afterwards, and prepared for children to keep engaging in the behavior due to youthful ignorance.
