Passing down the faith: How to instruct your children in the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have values. This is a common goal for parents to have. Most American parents want their children to embrace Judeo-Christian values. However, many conservative Christian parents in particular seek to "break their will" in relation to their children. However, there are better ways to instruct your child in the Lord than using punitive measures.

God's Law on proper discipline, including proper religious instruction, is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV: 

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking children, or even stop punishing children. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your children's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent in parents, in the form of a half-apology, when a child's feelings are hurt by limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions onto children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. However, this stanza of this commandment ultimately prohibited any offense perceived by a child, when understood in context. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christian did it anyway, obeying God over men.

You do not to beat religion into children. Religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was referring to religious instruction, of a specific type. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to keep on studying the Bible. Fathers then said "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format. Children were curious about Scripture, with fathers giving pointers on the context. 

Christian parents oftentimes rush the religious development of their children. Children do not need their will broken. Children develop a religion on their own. One thing Christian parents do to rush their child's religious development is to force their children into grateful postures. I tie my hands behind my back whenever possible, and nobody made me when I was a child. Grateful postures are simply a sign of progress in terms of childhood religious development. 

Breaking your child's will does not work. The reason for this is because children do not have any sort of will to begin with. Children simply have wants, with most of these wants being benign in nature. Children will find religion all on their own, in which case you should praise them for finding God. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!