Defiance: Why not to punish your child for defiance

Many parents have had to deal with it. A child is being defiant to parents. Most American parents think that children need punishment for defiance. However, the fact of the matter is that defiance happens whenever a child cannot accept a set limit. The key to diffusing the situation is to apologize for hurting your child's feelings with your limits.

The Bible says to avoid offense in children. This means apologize whenever you offend your child, including when they cannot accept a set limit. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. The idea is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like in relations between adults, hurt feelings in children are inevitable when dealing with them. One big reason why children's feelings are hurt is when they are given a limit that they cannot accept. One way that children express their displeasure for set limits is by being defiant towards the limits of parents. The key is to apologize whenever your child is defiant in their attitude towards you, lest it officially be an offense in children. Even when it is hard, you need to apologize to children whenever their feelings are hurt by a limit. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent when a child cannot accept a limit not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", then commit to never losing your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Most of the time, children growing up in attachment parenting homes do not defy their parents. But, sometimes, they cannot accept a set limit coming from parents. When a child cannot accept a limit, they sometimes express this displeasure by defying the limits of their parents. They aren't trying to undermine you. They simply cannot accept a limit coming from parents. All it means when a child cannot set a limit is that they are immature. Defiance is normal childhood behavior, and is bound to happen at some point in childhood. Just apologize and get it over with. You may find that an apology alone diffuses the defiance of children, as it helps children to know that they are being listened to. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which  is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!