Oppositional-defiant disorder: Why children with ODD need less limits (not more)

Many children each year are diagnosed with oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD). Most parents of children with ODD think that a child with that disorder need to learn hard lessons. However, the fact of the matter is that children who have ODD need LESS limits, meaning not more.

Dealing with the rebelliousness and pridefulness attitudes of children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment ultimately comes from parent submission, where parents serve children selflessly, just as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimand, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

A key feature of ODD is the strong counterwill. Whenever you try to control anyone, expect them to fight back. Most children can be overpowered by an adult, but at what cost to the child? With children who have ODD, they can literally overpower their own parents. What can be done about this battle of wills? Give up. Give up the fight, and give into the demands of your child. You may find that your child isn't asking for much - meaning they usually just need YOU.

Children growing up in the Early Church usually settled down next to mom during the first 6 years of childhood. However, some children were ready for the world, before literally being ready. Christian parents in the Early Church had a label for such a child - a stand-beside-me child. Mother insisted that the child stand right by her side, but the child usually had a mind of their own. In most cases, children also demanded what they wanted when they wanted it. Stand-beside-me children were the most prized of children. Most children at some point gave up and settled in with mom and dad. Some children have a mind of their own, and they were the stand-beside-me child.

Most children can be controlled by punishment. A child with ODD fights back. ODD in children is usually secondary to another disorder, namely autism, ADHD, and/or bipolar disorder. In most cases, a change of medications will subdue the child's willfulness and rebellion. Some children simply have autism as the primary diagnosis, in which case parents have to put up with parent abuse. If it is just your child, who cares? Most of the time, children beat their parents because they needed something, but didn't have tears to cry out.

However, Christian parents in the Early Church rarely had to face a child beating them up. There are very few instances of a child striking out at their parents in the biblical context. This was because of the closeness between parent and child in Christian homes in the Early Church, where children were never punished for anything. Usually, parents who were abused experienced verbal abuse, meaning taunts and name-calling against mothers. Christian parents in the Early Church cried out loud when their children struck out at them, in the form of righteous wailing.

I myself as a child was never formally diagnosed with ODD, but I sure met the criteria to a T. Today, I find structure and grounding in my Christian faith, with a little help from psychotropic medication, namely lithium carbonate. Before then, I was a bull in a china shop, and could be combattive with adults as a child. I myself felt the heat of all of the adults around me trying to be controlling with me. However, some teachers were nice and kind, and I never saw them as abusive, and behaved well for them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke your children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents think that children who throw temper tantrums are deserving of punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. The fact of the matter is that parents these days need an attitude adjustment. A child cries because they need love, not because they are "undermining parental authority".

Tending to a tantrumming child is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the parents. See also Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve children selflessly, just as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking  - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

In most cases, when children cry out loud, parents punish their children, thinking that the child is simply being oppositional and defiant. However, the fact of the matter is that whenever a child is throwing a temper tantrum, there is an antecedent behind the temper tantrum. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, they got it.

Most full-blown temper tantrums ultimately come from children suppressing their cries until they can't hold it back anymore, and then, from there, they let it all out. Christian parents in the Early Church allowed their children to experience all of their emotions. Thus, cries came more frequently, meaning whenever they were self-advocating a need.

Children growing up in the Early Church cried frequently and often for the first 6 years of childhood. Crying children were then given closeness and warmth. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were picked up and held, either in her loving arms, or on her back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing her from their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers held them close in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. However, when children turned age 6, they started to whine, which is a sign of maturity, meaning they grew out of crying but needed you anyway. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven!

Crying: Why children crying is not bad behavior (and instead is communication)

Many parents think that crying is some scheme to "undermine" the "authority" of parent. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Crying is the number one reason for punishing a child. However, the fact of the matter is that crying always happens for a reason. Most of the time, the child needs YOU.

Tending to the cries of a child is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve children selflessly, just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθίζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor toward children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. 

Most parents punish their children when the child even starts crying. However, the fact of the matter is that children cry in order to communicate. Whenever children cried out for mom, she was always there to respond.  Mothers tended to their children by way of first cooing at children, and then picking up the child from there. From there, children growing up in the Early Church had their every need tended to. 

Cooing is a primal vocalization on the part of mothers, designed by God to put children at ease. From there, children growing up in the Early Church were put at ease, with speaking children then verbalizing what they need. Children were then given all of what they need, and most all of what they want.

Crying is a means that children use to communicate with parents. Whenever a child breaks down crying, they need tender loving care from mom. There are five main categories of need; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these being attachment. The tired cry was always met with closeness from mom, and thus tiredness was deemed an attachment need in and of itself.

Most childhood behaviors are due to normal stages in child development. It is normal for children under age 6 to cry especially when they fear abandonment. Older children whine or roll their eyes when they don't feel listened to. All a parent has to do is give up the fight, and give in to the demands of children. Once you give into your child's demands, the rest should be a piece of cake.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

The Fifth Commandment: Understanding the commandment to honor parents in context

Many parents feel entitled to being honored by their children. This is a common belief amongst American parents. Most American parent insist on being honored. However, the fact of the matter is that the commandment to honor parents refers to taking care of parents as they age.

God's Law states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This passage does not mandate that parents punish their children for "speaking against parents". The fact of the matter is that the commandment to honor parents simply means to care for your parents as they age. However, in order for parents to be deserving of care as they age, they need to earn that honor, meaning that children could shun their abusive parents for the slightest of entitled treatment.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve their children selflessly, as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Parents in biblical times did not insist on honor and respect. Parents first sought to win over their children, so that children could, in turn, care for parents as they age. However, children were not mandated to care for their aging parents. If parents did not give their children anything short of a loving, warm upbringing, they were shunned by their victims, with no questions asked.

I myself had an abusive childhood. However, I honor my parents despite their dishonoring of my former child. But, the only reason I forgive my abusive parents is because they apologized and meant it. I give back to my mother by paying the restaurant bill. But, whenever the topic comes up, I remind her of my trauma.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices. Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

 

Separation anxiety: Why children cry seemingly out of nowhere

Many parents think a child who cries seemingly out of nowhere is out to "undermine" the "authority" of parents. This is a common belief amongst American parents. However, children do not cry out loud simply to "undermine" their parents. They instead cry because they need YOU.

Tending to separation anxiety in children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment ultimately comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve children selflessly, as they would serve God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

This Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children sometimes cry seemingly out of nowhere. However, there is always an antecedent behind a child crying. The fact of the matter is that most of the time, children who cry seemingly out of nowhere do so out of separation anxiety. Most children growing up in the Early Church, during the first 6 years of childhood, were morbidly afraid that mom would "go away and never come back".

Children growing up in the Early Church were allowed to feel separation anxiety. Most parents punish their children merely for crying "out of turn". Children growing up in the Early Church let out a screeching, deathly cry when they wanted attachment with mom. Children would not stop crying until mom reassured children of their presence.

The problem today is that children are kept from feeling their entire range of emotions. This means separation anxiety is repressed, waiting to surface when the child can't take it anymore, and then they throw a hand over foot temper tantrum in the middle of a store. Even in that case, the poor child has to face punishment just for being a child and throwing a temper tantrum that embarrasses the parent.

Separation anxiety is a normal stage of childhood development, with children feeling anxiety when they are too young to internalize an image of mom, meaning object permanence. Thus, when separating mom from child, you might as well be realizing a child's worst nightmare - that mom is "gone and will never come back". 

It is recommended that mothers stay home for the first 6 years of their child's childhood. This is because children need to be with mothers during the first 6 years of childhood. Separation happening before age 6 is likely to cause what is an attachment injury. In the Early Church, the father brought home the bread, with mothers being the primary caregiver of children. Children were attached at the mother's hip for the first 6 years of childhood, either by being held for the first 2 years, or by ranging next to mothers for the latter 4 years of babyhood, with babyhood then lasting for the first 6 years of childhood.  

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Punitive parenting: Why the Bible prohibits punitive measures in parenting

Many parents think that punitive parenting is the best way to deal with a child. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that punitive parenting is prohibited in the Bible, with punitive parenting being defined as child abuse under God's Law. 

The Greek root word denoting parental entitlement is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and is defined as, officially speaking, wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, parental entitlement is when parents are sorely disappointed when they don't get what they feel that they deserve from children. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from children just for existing. Any parent anger directed towards children was seen in biblical times as parental entitlement. When this sense of entitlement was perceived by a child as offensive or damaging, it was deemed child abuse. See also Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "they be discouraged" is αθυμέω (Latin: athumeo) and refers to long-term damages from child abuse, namely trauma. The ancients had an understanding of trauma, in the form of seeing who still believes in God. Atheism was not seen in biblical times as anything but a sign of child abuse, and the trauma that comes with it. The church elders then worked to investigate the child abuse, and then purge the abuse from their midst. The council of church elders operated on an inquisitorial bases, directing the investigation into why a grown adult still doesn't believe in God.

Punitive parenting was understood in the Early Church as any parenting motivated by anger. Most Christians in the Early Church saw parent anger as akin to a viper lashing out as a child. That kind of anger was something shielded from children, if it was there. Such punitive parents stood out like ragweed, and were excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God once called out by the church elder during an anti-spanking sermon.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Righteous ordering: Why parents are to heel to the commands of their children

Many parents think that they call the shots in the family home. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents want power and prestige over their children. However, the fact of the matter is that children have the right to order parents around.

The concept of righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve children selflessly, just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they got wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. 

Parents, under customary law in the Early Church, were to heel to the command of their children, with children issuing orders from their place of rest, and with these orders usually coming in the form of crying or whining. As a general rule, parents were forbidden from telling their children "no". The only exceptions to this rule was when the child's commands were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, children were given an explanation and reassurance, as per customary law. However, most of the time, children were told nicer alternative phrases than the word "no", such as "that won't work" or "that can't happen".

Righteous ordering is much akin to ordering at a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. When an item is out of stock, the server is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parenting involves serving children in a similar way, showing reverence just as they would to God.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!