Oppositional-defiant disorder: Why children with ODD need less limits (not more)

Many children each year are diagnosed with oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD). Most parents of children with ODD think that a child with that disorder need to learn hard lessons. However, the fact of the matter is that children who have ODD need LESS limits, meaning not more.

Dealing with the rebelliousness and pridefulness attitudes of children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment ultimately comes from parent submission, where parents serve children selflessly, just as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimand, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

A key feature of ODD is the strong counterwill. Whenever you try to control anyone, expect them to fight back. Most children can be overpowered by an adult, but at what cost to the child? With children who have ODD, they can literally overpower their own parents. What can be done about this battle of wills? Give up. Give up the fight, and give into the demands of your child. You may find that your child isn't asking for much - meaning they usually just need YOU.

Children growing up in the Early Church usually settled down next to mom during the first 6 years of childhood. However, some children were ready for the world, before literally being ready. Christian parents in the Early Church had a label for such a child - a stand-beside-me child. Mother insisted that the child stand right by her side, but the child usually had a mind of their own. In most cases, children also demanded what they wanted when they wanted it. Stand-beside-me children were the most prized of children. Most children at some point gave up and settled in with mom and dad. Some children have a mind of their own, and they were the stand-beside-me child.

Most children can be controlled by punishment. A child with ODD fights back. ODD in children is usually secondary to another disorder, namely autism, ADHD, and/or bipolar disorder. In most cases, a change of medications will subdue the child's willfulness and rebellion. Some children simply have autism as the primary diagnosis, in which case parents have to put up with parent abuse. If it is just your child, who cares? Most of the time, children beat their parents because they needed something, but didn't have tears to cry out.

However, Christian parents in the Early Church rarely had to face a child beating them up. There are very few instances of a child striking out at their parents in the biblical context. This was because of the closeness between parent and child in Christian homes in the Early Church, where children were never punished for anything. Usually, parents who were abused experienced verbal abuse, meaning taunts and name-calling against mothers. Christian parents in the Early Church cried out loud when their children struck out at them, in the form of righteous wailing.

I myself as a child was never formally diagnosed with ODD, but I sure met the criteria to a T. Today, I find structure and grounding in my Christian faith, with a little help from psychotropic medication, namely lithium carbonate. Before then, I was a bull in a china shop, and could be combattive with adults as a child. I myself felt the heat of all of the adults around me trying to be controlling with me. However, some teachers were nice and kind, and I never saw them as abusive, and behaved well for them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke your children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!