Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
This passage does not mandate that parents punish their children for "speaking against parents". The fact of the matter is that the commandment to honor parents simply means to care for your parents as they age. However, in order for parents to be deserving of care as they age, they need to earn that honor, meaning that children could shun their abusive parents for the slightest of entitled treatment.
The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve their children selflessly, as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.
Parents in biblical times did not insist on honor and respect. Parents first sought to win over their children, so that children could, in turn, care for parents as they age. However, children were not mandated to care for their aging parents. If parents did not give their children anything short of a loving, warm upbringing, they were shunned by their victims, with no questions asked.
I myself had an abusive childhood. However, I honor my parents despite their dishonoring of my former child. But, the only reason I forgive my abusive parents is because they apologized and meant it. I give back to my mother by paying the restaurant bill. But, whenever the topic comes up, I remind her of my trauma.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices. Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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