Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents think that children who throw temper tantrums are deserving of punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. The fact of the matter is that parents these days need an attitude adjustment. A child cries because they need love, not because they are "undermining parental authority".

Tending to a tantrumming child is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the parents. See also Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to serve children selflessly, just as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking  - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

In most cases, when children cry out loud, parents punish their children, thinking that the child is simply being oppositional and defiant. However, the fact of the matter is that whenever a child is throwing a temper tantrum, there is an antecedent behind the temper tantrum. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, they got it.

Most full-blown temper tantrums ultimately come from children suppressing their cries until they can't hold it back anymore, and then, from there, they let it all out. Christian parents in the Early Church allowed their children to experience all of their emotions. Thus, cries came more frequently, meaning whenever they were self-advocating a need.

Children growing up in the Early Church cried frequently and often for the first 6 years of childhood. Crying children were then given closeness and warmth. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were picked up and held, either in her loving arms, or on her back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing her from their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers held them close in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. However, when children turned age 6, they started to whine, which is a sign of maturity, meaning they grew out of crying but needed you anyway. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven!