Positive reinforcement: How to discipline your child without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment. However, the fact of the matter that there are better ways to discipline a child than punishing them.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The first stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that reason. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Many times, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from children, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This first stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions onto children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this stanza of this commandment ultimately was received in the parish at Ephesus as prohibiting causing any offenses as perceived by the child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza of this commandment states what discipline is acceptable, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia)  and refers to a specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Christian parents in the Early Church looked for preferred behaviors in children, usually self-control and self-discipline. When children were caught showing good traits, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church imparted a non-entitled example for children to emulate  However, this good Christian example was backed up by praise and encouragement, not punishment or shaming. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for child to discover and explore, opened up to a reassuring passage such as the Beatitudes, with children teaching themselves how to read on the Bible. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise to keep studying the Bible. Fathers then interjected something along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format. Children were curious about Scripture, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. This second stanza refers to the Judeo-Christian parenting teaching of positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is an time-tested Hebraic tradition in the Bible that predates the coming of Christ by thousands of years. 

There is never a case where a child shows no good traits automatically in the course of their development. All children show good traits now and then, especially as they get older. Whenever children show these good traits, they should be lavishly praised and encouraged for finding discipline on their own. If you leave children to their own devices, they will find discipline on their own. The point of discipline is to speed up the process of discipline, and gently guide where the child's self-discipline should go.

It is a myth that the fathers in the Bible sexually corrected their children with "hand-me-down-the-slate" gaslighting. The Bible prohibits all sexual abuse of a child with the word πορνεία (Latin: porneia), with this word referring to any sexual relations outside of a Christian marriage between one adult man and one adult woman, with this marriage having to be equitable in nature - the groom was only allowed a bride his age or up to 4 years older. All sexual relations with a child was banned in the Early Church. Fathers who raped their children then were swiftly excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God. In the Old Testament, any sex with a child was a capital offense. Other cultures then did use sexual correction when a child was crying off the hook, but not Ancient Israel or the Early Church.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torrents, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!