Passing down the faith: How to bring up your children in the instruction of the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents want to bring up a child in the Christian faith. This is a common goal amongst Christian parents. Most Christian parents feel the need to punish children in order to "beat the devil out of them", namely by "breaking their will". However, there are better ways of teaching children about the Christian faith.

God's Law on child discipline, including religious instruction, is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV: 

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that punitive measures should not be used to beat a religion into a child. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child to "beat the devil out of them". However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that reason. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. If you hurt someone else's feelings, you need to apologize. This also applies to dealing with children. Avoiding offense in children, like in relations between adults, involves apologizing for hurt feelings. In many cases, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limits for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you". and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This first stanza here cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive measures on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. But, this first stanza was ultimately received by the parish at Ephesus as prohibiting offenses in children as perceived by a child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza of this commandment, in part, refers to how to properly teach your child values. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was discussing religious instruction, and was received as discussing religious instruction by the parish at Ephesus. Starting at age 6, fathers left out an open Bible, with the Bible being open to a reassuring passage, such as the Beatitudes. Children in the Early Church taught themselves how to read on the Bible. When children discovered the open Bible, and were caught studying that Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to keep on studying. Fathers then interjected "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context.

Religion is a human need for children and adults alike. They will find values on their own. There is no need to rush a child's religious development. An example of rushing children's religious development is by forcing children into grateful postures. I myself tie my hands behind my back when out in public, and nobody made me. Grateful postures are a sign of healthy religious development, meaning if you see them in a child, know that your child is in a good religious place. 

A common way that parents try to instruct their children in the Lord is through "reverent V". This means break down a child until they "surrender to God"  However, severe religious trauma is when a whole belief system is falsely associated with punishment. I myself do not have a severe religious trauma, but I did suffer some trauma from the rod verses in Proverbs in the form of a benign religious trauma. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!