Positive reinforcement: How to discipline your child without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for American parents. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment. But, the fact of the matter is that there are better ways to discipline a child than to punish them. The idea is to catch your child being good instead of catching them being bad. 

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza of this commandment states that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to simply stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that reason. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology to your child whenever you hurt their feelings. Usually all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever a child's feelings are hurt by limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y .reasons". However. if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This first stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this first stanza of this commandment ultimately was received as prohibiting offending any child, as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza of this commandment spells out what discipline is appropriate for a child, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a certain specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Parents looked for preferred behaviors in children, including discipline and self-control. When children were caught showing preferred behaviors, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good behavior. Christian parents in the Early Church imparted a good example for children to follow, but backed it up with praise and encouragement, not punishment or shaming. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a base human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible.  The Apostle Paul here was discussing religious instruction. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore, with the Bible being left open to a reassuring passage, such as the Parable of the Sheep and the Goats. Children then taught themselves how to read on the Bible. Whenever children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep on studying the Bible, with fathers then interjecting something along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. This second stanza ultimately denotes the Hebraic tradition of positive reinforcement. This Hebraic tradition of positive reinforcement is a Judeo-Christian tradition predating the coming of Christ by thousands of years.

Sometimes, children need limits. However, them accepting a limit is a whole other story. Many times, children cannot accept a limit set on them. Thus, whenever your child cannot accept a set limit, you need to apologize to your child for hurting their feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is an informal apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger. However, whenever your child's feelings are hurt by way of parent anger, you definitely need to give a formal apology to children for hurting their feelings with their anger. Whenever you refuse to apologize to an upset child, you are entitled, with all parent anger directed towards a child being seen as entitlement in the Early Church.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!