Passing down the faith: How to instruct your child in the Lord without punishment or shaming

Many parents want their children to have values. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents want their children to have religion. However, most Christian parents in this country in particular, feel the need to beat a religion into a child. But, the fact of the matter is that children don't need a religion beaten into them. Religion is a base human need for children and adults alike.

God's Law on child discipline, including religious instruction, is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not you children to wrath :but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement  It is one thing to stop spanking your child, including in order to "break their will". However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child when they don't obey religious orders, or even stop punishing children altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed toward children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this stanza of this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Ephesus as prohibiting offending children in any way, as is perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

There is no need to beat a religion into a child. Children go through their own religious development, with religion being a base need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paull here was discussing religious instruction. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore, with this Bible left open to a reasssuring passage, such as the Parable of the Sheep and the Goats. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep studying the Bible. Fathers then interjected something along the lines oF "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. 

A common way for Christian parents to impose their religious beliefs onto their child is through "breaking their will". The idea is that as soon as a child becomes mobile, that they need a will to be "made God's Will". However, a child does not have any will to be broken. A child instead simply wants things  even if they cannot have them. A child should get most of what they want, and everything that they need. 

Most religious child abuse happens when parents rush their child's natural religious development. One  example is with grateful postures, which many Christian parents forcing their children to assume grateful postures. However, I myself tie my hands behind my back, and nobody made me assume that position. Grateful postures are simply something to look for in children to know that they are in the right religious place.

Most Christian parents these days do not insists on children keeping all of their teachings. Most Christian parents these days want their children to pick a set of values and run with it. It may not be your values, but at least that they have values. Most children develop a religion naturally, without any input from parents..

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!