Defiance: Why never to use punitive measures on a defiant child

Many parents have been there. A child acting defiant towards parental limits. This is a common and normal occurrence in American homes. However, most American parents perceive their defiant child as "undermining parental authority". However, your child is not out to get you - they simply cannot accept parental limits. 

God's Law on dealing with defiance in children is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here not just to spanking a defiant a child, but instead also any entitlement in parents, leading to offense in a defiant child.  Offense in a child consists of hurt feelings in children where parents refuse to apologize for said hurt feelings in children. One way that children's feelings are hurt is when they cannot accept a parental limit. One way children show displeasure for limits set by parents is through defiance. Defiance consists of a child being angry and forceful in their crying, usually in reaction to the word "no". It is not due to children seeking to "undermine parental authority". They simply cannot accept limits from parents. This is due to lack of emotional self-control in children. Whatever is simply disappointing in adults is earth-shattering for young children. The idea is to apologize to children for hurting their feelings with your limits, ideally in the face of their defiance. With that said, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with my temper", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by the child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Defiance is a normal and natural behavior in young children in particular. Children lack the emotional self-control to accept parental limit that hurt their feelings, with this stage of development lasting until age 8. Teenagers also lose control and become impulsive if you don't start being a gentle parent to them from very young. 

Children never intend defiance as a means to "undermine" your parenting. They instead simply cannot accept a limit coming from parents. This stage should last until the child reaches age 8. Until then, you need to apologize for hurting your child's feelings. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!