Defiance: How to deal with defiance in children without punitive measures

Many parents have been there. A child defying the limits of parents. This is a common occurrence in American hones. Most parents think that their defiant child is out to "undermine parents"/ However, children do not defy parents for "undermining parents". They simply cannot accept a set limit.

God's Law on dealing with defiance is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking a child, including for defiance. However, it is not enough to simply stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. If you hurt someone else's feelings, you need to apologize. It is no different when dealing with children.. One thing that hurts children's feelings is not being able to accept a set limit. One expression of childhood displeasure of set limits is by defiance, usually coming in the form of forceful tears when the child hears the word "no". However, your children aren't out to get you. They simply cannot accept a set limit, with this due to children having poor control over their emotions. Whatever is simply disappointing to adults is earth-shattering to children. Thus, in order to avoid offenses in children, you need to apologize for hurting your child's feelings, ideally in the face of their defiance. One thing that hurts children's feelings the most is limits set out of anger. If you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with my temper", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating as "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by a child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Defiance is a normal and developmentally appropriate behavior in children. Children lack emotional self-control, and this is the case until the age of 8. What is simply disappointing to adults is earth-shattering to young children. The idea is to give an apology in the face of the child's defiance. However, if you ever set limits out of anger, you need to apologize for hurting your child's feelings with your anger. 

Children never intend defiance as a means of "undermining parents". Instead, they simply cannot accept set limits. Most children go through moments where they are acting defiant. The key is to give an apology for having to set limits that the child does not like.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!