"Benign" deprivation: Why children don't need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often"

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" from them "frequent and often". This is a common attitude amongst American parents, called "benign" deprivation. Most American parents buy into this idea to some degree. However, children need to hear your "yes" more than your "no".

God's Law against "benign" deprivation is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses, namely the slightest of hurt feelings in children where parents refuse to apologize. Perhaps the most common thing that hurts a child's feelings is the word "no". The word "no" should be saved for when children want something unsafe, or else are getting into something unsafe. If a child is playing ball in the house, or else is about to touch a hot stove, they need to hear the word "no". Apart from safety's sake, children do not need to hear the word "no". Whenever you tell your child "no", you need to apologize in the case of hurt feelings in children. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with my temper", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. No anger at children was ever seen as a valid offense in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The idea as a parent is to give children almost everything that they want, and absolutely everything that they need. Children are counting on YOU to give them good things. The idea is to say "yes" even to benign wants in children, and a guaranteed "yes" to what the child needs. In most cases, benign wants count as an attachment need. The word "no" IS the end of the world for a child, as they lack emotional self-control until age 8. What is simply disappointing for adults is downright earth-shattering for a young child. If you do have to say "no", you should comfort your child with an apology. 

One place for contention in parenting is in the store. Usually, the child wants candy in the checkout line, and usually, parents demand that the child "put that back". However, in the Early Church, children wanted licorice from the candy stand in the market. So, parents let their children get a piece of licorice off of the shelf, with parents paying for it. Children rarely ask for much in the store. Sometimes, they want the bicycle off of the rack, in which case parents themselves should save just for their child's wishes, or else wait until payday. Children were not forced to work for money at all, and neither should children be forced to work at all in the modern context. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!