The Fifth Commandment: Understanding the commandment to honor parents in context

Many parents feel entitled to being "honored". This is a attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents insist on honor and respect from their children, citing the Fifth Commandment as their "proof'" that children need to honor and respect them. However, the fact of the matter is that the commanmdment to honor parents speaks of a specific form of honoring parents - caring for them as they age.

The Fifth Commandment is spelled out in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

And is repeated in Ephesians 6:2-3 KJV:

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 

The Greek root word translated "honour" in Eph. 6:2-3 is τιμαω (Latin; timao) and refers here to being a caregiver to someone else, namely an aging parent. The idea is to give your parents the same tender loving care that they gave you when you were still a child. However, this only works if you had good parents to begin with. If your parents were abusive in any way, you have the right to shun them. The reason for this specific commandment was that elder abuse and neglect was endemic in the Old Testament and in the parish at Ephesus.

A common reason for punishment of children is when parents feel "disrespected" or "dishonored". In some homes, punishment only comes when children are clearly "dishonoring" or "disrespecting" parents. However, any punitive treatment of children is prohibited in the Bible, including when children speak against parents. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child, including for "dishonoring" or "disrespecting" you. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your child altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. If you hurt someone else's feelings, you need to apologize. It works the same way when dealing with children. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to apologize whenever you hurt your child's feelings. One thing that hurts children's feelings more than anything is parent anger directed towards a child. If you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with your anger" ,and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment ultimately was received by the parish at Ephesus as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by the child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

Respect is not demanded in life. It is earned. The same is true in parenting. The idea in getting a respectful child is to show them respect, especially during the first 6 years of childhood. A parent is deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to their children. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even respect. Not even honor. These good things from children are earned.

Most children live under tyrannical rule, with children oftentimes being punished or treated punitively for not "honoring" their parents. Most parents feel entitled to respect and honor from their children, and enforce their deservances with punishment and shaming. However, the Fifth Commandment was not written to minor children, but to adult children of aging parents. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!