Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to being honored. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents cite the Fifth Commandment as an excuse for using punitive measures on children. However, the commandment to honor parents refer to, in context, honor of a specific type - caring for parents as they age.

The Fifth Commandment is spelled out in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

And is repeated in Ephesians 6:2-3 KJV:

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 

The Greek root word translated "honour" in Eph. 6:2-3 is τιμαω (Latin: timao) and refers here to being a caregiver to someone else, in this context meaning being a caregiver to an aging parent. The idea is to give your parents the same kind and loving care that they gave you. However, this only works if you had a good upbringing from your parents. If your parents were at all abusive for you, you have the right to shun your abusive parents. The reason for this commandment was that the Ancient Israelites and the Ephesian Christians had an epidemic of elder abuse and neglect. 

Most parents today insist on respect from their children, and punish children for not respecting them. In some American homes, "dishonoring" parents is the sole reason for using punitive measures on children. However, punitive parenting, including child punishment, is prohibited in the Bible, including when parents feel "dishonored". See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" si ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your children, including when parents feel "dishonored" by their children's words or actions. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing children altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Whenever you hurt someone else's feelings, you need to apologize. It works the same way with children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to apologize for hurting your child's feelings. In many cases, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, for hurting your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limits for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your children's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting yoir feelings with my temper", and then commit never to lose your children ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. But, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offenses in children, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Many children in America live under tyrannical rule. Most American parents spank their children from time to time, or else sit them in a chair as a form of false imprisonment. This is all rooted in the misinterpretation of the Fifth Commandment. However  the Fifth Commandment simply means to give back to your parents in some way, namely by caring for them as they age. However, if you were abused by your parents as a child, you have the right to shun your parents.

A parent must never demand respect from their children, as this alone is parental entitlement. Instead, the idea is to earn respect from children by giving them the respect that they deserve. This means respecting their feelings by striving to always apologizing for hurting their feelings, especially in the case of parent anger directed towards children. Respect in life is earned, and it is no different with parents in relation to their children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!