Child discipline: How to discipline your child without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for parents to have for their child. However, discipline is often equated with punishment in American homes. But, the fact of the matter is that there are better ways to discipline than punishment.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. If you hurt someone else's feelings, you need to apologize. It works the same way with children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to apologize for hurting your child's feelings. In many cases, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child aa a parent, including while setting limits, you need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with my temper", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This first stanza of this commandment cross-refences the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. But, this first stanza was ultimately received by the parish at Ephesus as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by a child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, an opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

This second stanza of this commandment spells out what discipline is acceptable, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to nurturing of a specific type, namely of the teaching sort. Christian parents in the Early Church looked for preferred behaviors in children, such as self-discipline and self-control, with children showing discipline on their own. When children showed good traits, they were lavishly praised and encouraged for more of the same. Christian parents in the Early Church imparted a good example for children, for children to emulate, with this good Christian example being backed up by praise and encouragement, not punishment or shaming. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a base human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was discussing religious instruction. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore, with children learning how to read on the Bible. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to keep on studying the Bible. Fathers then interjected something along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. This second stanza ultimately refers here to the Judeo-Christian doctrine of positive reinforcement, meaning catching your child being good. Positive reinforcement is a Hebraic tradition predating the coming of Christ by thousands of years.

What should a parent do when their child is misbehaving? Most childhood behaviors are normal and natural given a child's age and development. Young children under age 8 lack self-control, and this leads to children getting into almost everything. Whenever children growing up in the Early Church were getting into mischief, parents laughed it off, and cleaned up the mess later. 

No child totally lacks good behavior. Sometime along the way of a child's development, you will find good behavior, in which you should praise and encourage that behavior. All children show good traits on their own, meaning that they form their own discipline if left to their own devices. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let then be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss, which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!