"Benign" deprivation: Why children do not need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often"

Many parents buy into the doctrine of "benign" deprivation. This parenting doctrine consists of parents saying "no" to children "frequent and often". The idea is that children need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often" to "prepare them for the real world". However, children aren't ready for the real world. They are only children.

God's Law on "benign" deprivation is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Whenever you hurt someone's feelings, you need to apologize. It works the same way with children when dealing with them. One thing that hurts children's feelings perhaps more than anything is being told "no" for most everything that they ask for.  The idea is to only tell children "no" when absolutely necessary, namely for safety's sake. If children are playing ball in the house, say "no" to that behavior. Same if they are about to touch a hot stove or run into a busy street. A child might also ask for something unsafe, in which case the word "no" is in order  Whenever you have to say "no" to a child, you should back up the word "no" with an apology if the child cannot accept the word "no". Many times, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reason". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while telling a child "no", you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with my temper", and the commit never to never lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Your child need to hear your "yes" far more often than your "no". Children should only be told "no" when they are behaving in a manner that is a danger to themselves or others. The word "no" should only be used seldom, meaning only when absolutely necessary. Whenever your "no" hurts a child's feelings, you need to apologize for hurt feelings.

One place of contention in parenting is in the store. Usually, the child wants a candy bar off of the shelf, and usually, the parent says "put that back", and then the fight starts from there. In the Early Church, all of the children wanted licorice. When a child got licorice off of the shelf, the mother simply asked the child to hand over the candy in order for it to be paid for. Then, the child was allowed to enjoy their licorice. Most of the time, children aren't asking for much in the store. If they want something expensive, simply save money and buy it later once you have enough money. That means YOU work for the money, instead of forcing child labor onto children. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!