"Benign" deprivation: Why children don't need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often"

Many parents have bought into it. The idea that children need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often". This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, saying "no" to your children "frequent and often" can be a form of child abuse in and of itself/ Most American parents need an attitude adjustment on this issue.

God's Law on child abuse, including "benign" deprivation, is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to avoid hurting their feelings, including with the word "no". One thing that hurts a child's feelings more than anything is being told "no" for almost everything that they ask for. The key here is to avoid saying "no" to a child whenever possible. The idea is to reserve the word "no" for when children are behaving in an unsafe manner, such as running into a busy street or playing ball in the house, or else when they ask for something unsafe. Apart from that, parents should avoid offense in children by avoiding the word "no". However, sometimes hurt feelings are inevitable in children when they are told "no", in which case a meaningful apology is in order. In many cases, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, for limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

Children need to hear your "yes" far more often than your "no". The idea is to avoid saying "no" to your child except for safety's sake. Whenever you hurt your child's feelings with the word "no", you should give a meaningful apology for hurting your child's feelings. However, if you ever lose your child as a parent while saying "no", you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger.

A common place for contention in parenting is in the store. In most cases, a child picks up a small item from the shelf - usually a candy bar - and then the parent tells the child "put that back", and from there, the power struggle begins. In the Early Church, the candy that all the children wanted was licorice. When children got licorice off of the shelf, parents knew that they'd have to pay extra, but they didn't care, since their child was like God to them (see Matt. 25:31-46). The idea is to get for your child whatever their heart contents. If you cannot afford it, promise them to save money yourself for the item that is too much to afford. 

Most of the time, there is a better way to decline a request from a child than a flat-out "no". In most cases, all that is necessary is a nicer-sounding declination of requests, such as "that won't work", "that can't happen, or that isn't possible". A firm "no" should be saved for clearly unsafe behavior, such as running into traffic or playing ball in the house. A child usually cannot understand the dangers of a busy street until they are at least age 6, and thus before that age, children need to be nurtured at home as babies, with breastfeeding lasting until age 6 or even beyond in some cases. The Early Christians treated young children under age 6 as babies, with many children being nourished with the teat of mothers for as long as necessary, meaning sometimes until age 6 or even beyond.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!