Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior in children

Many parents have to deal with it. A child throwing a full-blown temper tantrum. This\s a common and normal thing for parents to get from their child. Most children in America throw temper tantrums now and then, and this is what most parents perceive as "disrespect". However, temper tantrums are a normal childhood behavior is developmentally appropriate in nature. They are supposed to be acting that way.

God's Law referring to childhood surrender to parents is spelled out in Colossians 3:20 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is in fact υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to surrender to parents in the form of running to their loving arms, with children resting in the Agape love of parents. However, this starts when a parent serves their child selflessly, doing good things for their child, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Parents instead engaged in mutual askance with their children. Parents did not insist on anything from their child, and instead made a grateful request, with children asking things of parents in return. This mutual askance can only happen in the context of a secure trust between parent and child, as was the norm in the Early Church.

For the first 6 years of childhood in the Early Church, crying is the way that children communicated their vulnerable needs. However, most parents today support punitive parenting for whenever the child cries for seemingly no reason at all. However, the Bible is clear in banning any and all punitive parenting, as decided by the child subject of punitive parenting. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child. The key to avoiding punitive parenting is to avoid offense in children, including when they tantrum, especially when they tantrum. The idea behind avoiding offense in children is to respond to their every cry and tantrum, without losing your cool in the process, with even leaving your child to cry it out being seen then as parental entitlement leading to offense. However, those not initiated to gentle parenting will lose their cool with their child. Whenever you hurt a child's feelings with your anger, including as a reaction to a temper tantrum, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is parental entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. If you set limits not out of anger, and a child throws a temper tantrum anyway, you should be willing to give an informal apology for hurting their feelings with your calmly stated limits with an apology such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limits for Y reasons". This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin term roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, other punitive methods were banned by this commandment, meaning that the parish at Colossae received this commandment as prohibiting any offenses as perceived by a child ar minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The commandment in Col. 3:21 spells out in direct and convicting terms what should be avoided in parenting in order to become a gentle parent. Paul also wrote parenting manuals to each of the parishes that he oversaw as a deacon. Those parenting manuals could be summed up by the commandment in Col. 3:21, and made up the core of what to avoid in order to become a gentle parent. Parenting advice in the Early Church was given in a convicting mode, convicting parents against certain actions, and from there having parents figure out their parenting by following their natural instincts.

Temper tantrums are normal and natural behaviors in children, especially young children under age 6. Punishing a child for their big feelings, as stated previously in this post. is prohibited, as is any anger as a reaction to the tears of children. The idea is to follow your parental instincts, and respond to the child's cries, meaning don't react out of haste to their cries. The Bible also says in Col. 3:20 to form a secure bond with your child, loving your child as your neighbor. See Matt 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The reason why children throw temper tantrums is not to undermine you as a parent. It is because they have a vulnerable need that needs met. A toddler or preschooler cries for the same reason a baby cries - they need YOU. Usually, all they need to know is that you will never leave them, as their worst fear then consists of separation anxiety. Past age 6, you reap rewards for your due diligence in forming a bond with your child. In most cases, children are instinctually cooperative with parents, wanting to please their parents by way of doing as they are told by their parents automatically out of secure trust with their child. Parents asked things gratefully of children, and children listened to their parents, then taking good care of their children by way of caring for them as they age (see Exod. 20:12; Eph. 6:2-3). Children listened to their parents not out of fear, but out of closeness between parent and child.

Temper tantrums are not bad behavior. Offense avoidance in parenting, in the original Greek, refers to a specific type of offense made up of refusing to apologize for hurting a child's feelings. The core of gentle parenting is to let your child's offense be a guide as to how to teach them with the respect that they deserve. If your child ever hits you up in the exchange, be the first to apologize for hurting their feelings. The Bible is clear that the first person who apologizes in the exchange settles the dispute. That means YOU must apologize for hurting your child's feelings, or else be willing to. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!