Policing attachment: Why talking back to parents is not a sin

Many parents punish children who "talk back" to them. It is the norm in the United States currently that parents keep their children quiet and under tabs, meaning children shouldn't make demands on parents, but the reverse. However, the Bible condones and commands a form of secure attachment known as policing attachment. It is okay to talk back to your parents.

How should a child talk to their parents? Like they would a friend, for better or worse, meaning sometimes children need to get that anger and frustration out on a listening target. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, warm rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, just as adult believers rest in the love and grace of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. What ultimately is being spoken about by Paul the Apostle is what we call policing attachment, with this command ultimately being reserved for the parents to enforce on themselves, at the child's cue. Children gave orders to parents, then parents provided, then children were happy knowing parents as a best friend and close confidant. Children could tell parents anything, and that included giving lawful orders to parents, which Christian parents surrendered to in the 1st Century. Children during that time period didn't wear clothing, and went in the nude, co-sleeping with their mother at night until adulthood. Children up to age 3 were treated as infants behaviorally, and breastfed as such, right in mother's arms, both nude, with there being intimacy between mother and child.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers literally to "stirring up" upset and resentment in children, as in the Jewish idiom "stirring the pot" in regards to the emotional welfare of your child, ultimately referring to offenses against children, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child coming from entitlement, with this including physical or other forms of punishment, as well as any controlling attitudes. Parents in the surrounding Greek culture carried on a tradition of spanking children, meaning spanking came from an idolatrous source in a manner that infiltrated the Christian church. Paul would have none of it in the churches he oversaw as a deacon. Paul also handed out parenting manuals suggesting strongly attachment-based alternatives that were in compliance with the Law, as the Hellenistic tradition of spanking was not acceptable at all under Judeo-Christian law.

Children in ancient Israel and adjoining churches were very needy and demanding, with children telling their parents what to do, and every command and demand from a child being seen as a need to some level. Parents would literally relocate to another house at the command of their children, or even just one child, perhaps if part of the old house was scary to them. 

Parents and children were friends, meaning best friends, but only because there was a truce, meaning parents gave up a lot of what they wanted from children, and gave in righteously to the child's demands entirely until the child was satisfied, resting in the love and grace of parents, enough to brag about their parents, thereby honoring them. When you give into the policing demands of children, you end up coming to a truce, because they always stop asking for things at some point, in which case they are happy with what kind of parents they have.

The depraved and entitled parents who stifle the petitions of grievances in children and provoke them to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let the evildoing parents descend and burn forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!