Many parents feel entitled to respect and honor from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents insist on respect and honor from their children. However, this commandment refers to a specific form of honoring parents - caring for them as they age.
The Fifth Commandment is spelled out in Exodus 20:12 KJV:
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee,
The Hebrew root word translated "honour" is kabad and refers here to being a caregiver to someone else, namely an aging parent. The idea is to give your aging parents the same loving way that they took care of you. However, this only works if you had good parents that took care of you. If your parents were at all abusive or entitled towards you, you owe nothing to those entitled parents. The main reason for this commandment was that there was an epidemic of elder abuse and neglect in the Old Testament context.
Most parents insist on some level of respect. Most parents want to be honored by their children, to the point of punishing their children when they feel "disrespected" or "dishonored". In some homes, punishment only comes when children clearly "dishonor" parents. However, the Bible clearly prohibits the use of any punitive measures in parenting. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and here refers not simply to spanking a child, including for "dishonoring parents" or else simply punishing a child altogether for that reason. This commandment prohibits any entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. Offense in children consists of parents who refuse to apologize to their children for hurting their feelings, at minimum. With that said, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with my temper", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by the child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.
Most parents insist on respect coming from children. Most parents feel deserving of respect from their children. However, in parenting, respect isn't given. It is earned. Parents are entitled to absolutely nothing just for being parents. Nothing, Nada. Zilch All respect for parents is earned, not bestowed on a silver platter coming from children.
Any parent anger directed towards children was seen in the Early Church as akin to a viper lashing out at its prey. Maybe the child was given some warning, but that was about it. Most Christian parents in the Early Church were motivated by worry, not anger. Parents who were instead motivated by anger were seen as church infiltrators, and were swiftly excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God. The only anger allowed in parenting then was protective anger, with this anger coming with gritted teeth towards the interloper.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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