Honor thy parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents demand respect from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents.  Most American parents insist on respect and honor from their children. However, the fact of the matter is that honoring parents means something specific - caring for your parents as they age.

The Fifth Commandment is spelled out in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 

And is repeated in Ephesians 6:2-3 KJV:

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

The Greek root word translated "honour" in Eph. 6:2 is τιμαω (Latin: timao) and refers here to being a caregiver to someone else, here namely an aging parent. The idea is to give aging parents the same tender loving care that they gave you. However, this only works if your parents indeed gave you nothing but warmth and love. If your parents were at all abusive towards you, you owe nothing to those parents. The reason for this commandment was that the Old Testament and the parish at Ephesus had an epidemic of elder abuse and neglect.

"Dishonoring" and "disrespecting" parents is a common reason for punishment of children. Some parents only punish their children for clear "disrespect" or "dishonor". However, any punitive sanctions on children whatsoever is prohibited in the Bible, including when parents feel "dishonored". See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. Offense in children includes any hurt feelings in children where parents refuse to apologize, at minimum. This includes while setting limits. With that said, if you ever lose your cool with your child, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for hurting your feelings with my temper". and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias poteastas, and is roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose puntive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting causing offenses in children as perceived by the child, at minimum. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Most parents in America demand respect from their children. However, the Bible clearly teaches that respect isn't given, with respect instead being earned. If you want respect from your child, you need to give respect to your child. The idea is to love your child as you would your neighbor, meaning give to them without receiving. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices. Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!