Child discipline: How to discipline your child without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for parents to have. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, there are better ways to discipline your child than punitive measures.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

This first stanza clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that reason. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever a child cannot accept limit set not out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting their feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you". and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children is entitlement,  and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment was ultimately received as prohibiting any offenses as perceived by a child. Paul. contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and oppoeed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza of this commandment spells out what discipline is acceptable, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a certain specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching type. Christian parents in the Early Church looked for preferred behaviors in children, usually in the form of self-discipline and self-control. Whenever children showed preferred behaviors, they were given praise and encouragement. Children were left to find discipline on their own, and when they did, their parents encouraged them to keep working on their self-improvement. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good example for their children to follow, but backed this example up with praise and encouragement, not punishment or shaming. Children also should have religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was referring to religious instruction. Starting at around age 6, fathers left out a copy of the Bible for children to discover and explore, with the copy of the Bible left open to a reassuring passage. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement for more Bible study of the same. Then, fathers interjected something along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. This second stanza points out the Hebraic tradition of positive reinforcement, meaning catching children being good. Positive reinforcement is an ancient Hebraic tradition predating the coming of Christ by thousands of years.

Every child is different. Some children are more spirited, and some are more easygoing. The idea is to start out setting no limits apart from when children are endangering themselves or others. A more easygoing child is the kind of child to surrender to their parents, and ask them to set limits for them, in which case you should set more limits for that particular child. A more spirited child needs time to form their own discipline, and then be praised when they do find discipline. 

Sometimes, a parent has to set limits for the safety of children and/or others. However, children accepting limits like that is another story. Whenever your child cannot accept a set limit, you need to apologize for hurting their feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is an informal apology when limits were not set out of anger, to prove non-entitlement. However, if you lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, as any parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!