Many parents feel entitled to being honored by their children. This is a common misapplication of the Fifth Commandment to honor your parents. Most Christians believe that this means that you should forgive your abusive parents. However, this commandment simply states that adult children should care for their parents as they age.
God's Law on honoring parents is spelled out in Exodus 20:12 KJV:
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
The Hebrew word translated "honor" is kabad and refers here to taking care of your aging parents. It does not mean that parents are immune from blame. Parents can be tried using righteous judgment just like anyone else, including by their children, especially by their children. The only instance where you have to forgive your parents is if they are truly apologetic for offending you..
"Dishonoring parents" is a common motive for punishing children. In many homes, perceived disrespect from children is the sole reason for punishment of children. However, the Bible prohibits anything punitive towards children, including in the context of perceived disrespect from children, with any punitive parenting perhaps being a form of child abuse. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. The idea behind not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults - be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt the feelings of another. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, such as when a child cannot accept a set limit. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you definitely need to give a formal apology for losing your cool with your children, and then commit never to ever losing your cool with your child, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, and is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking and other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.
I myself forgive my parents for abusing me. However, they apologized for abusing me within the law with spanking and false imprisonment tactics. The spanking was the worst thing that my abuser did. My father spanked me with a disciplinary spanking done "out of love". I awaited in my bed, gripping my pillow tight, expecting the worst. The very worst thing about the abuse that I endured was that it is legal in my home state of Pennsylvania even today. If they didn't apologize, I would shun them to the degree that I could, while still living with them. Even though they apologized, I will never forget what they did to me.
It is a myth that you need to honor all parents. All you need to do to honor your parents is to take good care of them as they age. I myself would call the area office of aging if my mother needed care that I couldn't provide. I am autistic, and so there is little that I can do for an aging parent.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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