Change of heart: How to effect a change of heart in a child (without punishment or force)

Many parents want it in their children. For most American parents, the goal of parenting is a change of heart. This is a common goal in parenting. Most children's rights advocates will tell you that children don't need a change of heart. In today's society, all children need a change of heart, if not only to be saved Christians. For most children, the change of heart needed is growing up. Growing up means not being so entitled. There are better ways to teach children non-entitlement, and effect a change of heart in them, than to punish or reprimand them. 

Change of heart, as a lesson, is taught by way of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV: 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church at Ephesus. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Chirstian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, instead of being caught being bad. Whenever a child behaved in a non-entitled way, such as by showing self-control or giving up something they really wanted, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep going down the straight path". Fathers were traditionally charged with meting out praise and encouragement for children. Boys were given manly praise whenever they were caught being good, and girls were given physical affection such as hugs and snuggling when caught being good. Children otherwise were given free reign in late childhood, and intense closeness in their formative years (meaning until age 6). Sometimes, children needed direct parental instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to direct parental instruction. This came either in the form of advice or pleading. Parents were forbidden by Law from issuing lawfully binding orders, and so children could refuse the advice and counsel of parents at any time.

Children, like all human beings, are sinful creatures, and have a depraved and decadent sinful nature. This is not up for debate. But, children are capable of having a change of heart entirely on their own, when guided by the disciplined Christian example of their parents. The first step to effecting a change of heart in your child is effecting a change of heart in yourself. This means YOU need to be convicted of the fact that YOU are a depraved and decadent sinner, who is deserving of absolutely nothing. Knowing that you are deserving of absolutely nothing makes you grateful for absolutely everything, which makes you a happier person. Children will see you doing this good work on yourself, and will want to copy your self-improvement, just to be like dad. 

What ultimately motivates a change of heart? Children will follow the Christian example of parents when they have a secure attachment with their parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. Mother and child were in a state of birth nudity, with mother and child in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. This birth nudity setup brought out raw separation anxiety in children, where children were morbidly afraid of mom "going away and never coming back". Mothers accommodated the cries of separation anxiety in their children by cooing to validate their fears and reassure them at the same time. Children were then held and co-snuggled to reassure them that mom isn't going anywhere. Older children were instructed by their father in the chastening of the Lord, but they were by self-study on the part of the child that was lovingly encouraged by fathers. Fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children in order to form a close bond with their children, enough that children would want to follow their advice.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!