Defiance: Why defying parents is not a sin

Many parents think that defiance is a bad trait in a child. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents are "keep down" abusers, meaning they seek to interpret certain behaviors as defiance, and keep that defiance down. All children are defiant some of the time. Most parents do not know that biblical children were allowed to be defiant, and even encouraged to be defiant.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, valuing children as extensions of God, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the presence of parents, trusting parents in all things, following mothers around especially like goslings to a mother goose.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages and offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular belief, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children in Ancient Jewish culture, including the Early Church, were prized when they were bold and rebellious. Boldness was seen as a sign of independence in a child, with the goal of parenting then being independence in a child, not obedience or blind compliance. Rebellion in children was seen as endearing and cute, meaning children were seen as having a mind of their own, and that "mind of their own" was seen as cute and endearing to parents and other adults. Parents are to be submissive to children, just as they are to be submissive to God. Children are to be expected to issue demands, orders, and edicts to parents and other adults, and this should bring parents/adults to full and dutiful submission to children. 

How can parents prevent defiance in children, for later, when they are adults and need to be disciplined? Parents should take a disciplined attitude by avoiding entitlement. The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament, and cross-referencing the Tenth Commandment, is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and is defined as, officially speaking, want, to the point of imposition. Unofficially speaking, entitlement is the slightest of unattainable want. Most entitlement comes from a deserving attitude, meaning grown adults taking an attitude that they deserve things in life. You, as an adult, are deserving of absolutely nothing for being the depraved and decadent sinner that you are, and are to be grateful for everything, including in relation to children. When a child sees their parents throw a temper tantrum and act deserving and entitled, they learn to act deserving and entitled in order to get their way. The idea is to control not even your child, and instead give your child a safe place to absorb your non-entitled and disciplined example, at their own pace, on their own terms. Children will defy you, and that is to be expected. But, when you give them that safe place to absorb your non-entitlement and disciplined attitude, that defiance will wane as the child learns the proper skills to curb their defiance, on their own. Defiance is a stage in childhood, and when left to their own devices, children grow out of that phase.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!