Pro-social rebellion: How to deal with childhood defiance

Many children "talk back" to their parents, and parents in America take an entitled attitude towards these understandable big feelings. I am one of those rare adults that don't mind "back-talk". A sassy young girl who slaps me across the face is so lovely! I encourage children to defy my "authority" - because I have none.

So the child wants to put you down, and into submission? Let them render you helpless. Love could never be so selfless! That's all I am for in relation to a child - a punching bag. I'm here, worthless and charred, and you so wonderful and lovely. Give me a black eye or a scorched back, and I win a medal for enduring it. This is an extreme form of pro-social punching bag, and by extension pro-social rebellion.

It says in Colossians 3:21 KJV:  

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to short-term damages inflicted upon a child, such as pain, shame, defamation/slander, fornication, guided by the entitled nature of adults. This verse was written in Paul's Epistle to the Christian Church at Colossae to fathers. This part of his letter addresses when young boys in particular are provoked to anger, and then are led astray, rebelling against their fathers. What Paul is stating is what any jurist of Jewish law would say about these matters - when your child is aggressive or defiant towards you, it mirrors your defiance towards them and their needs, thus letting you know that your intent in relation to them, whether held viscerally.

The parent protection laws were, in fact, repealed by Christ's death and resurrection, with the general command of honoring parents, meaning not dishonoring them by unlawful example. In practice, in the Old Testament, they were rarely ever enforced because claiming abuse from one's own child was a shameful thing to admit, as it showed that you yourself were a violent person and a punitive parent in the eyes of many, and the courts were biased in that way. Col. 3:21 repeals the parent protection laws completely, and holds fathers accountable especially.

It is a slavish existence being a parent or adult in relation to children, with me not being any child's victim, or society's victim for being an adult in relation to children. I deserve a good beating when I am failing to communicate with my child. She can take her anger out on me however she wishes, if she's really upset, and I'll just take it. I'll take a few swear words as well.

Taking defiance and turning the other cheek is the hallmark of being a gentle parent. This means showing Christian grace toward your child, thereby sparing her of your wicked and entitled anger. That anger that seeks to control children as tools from above instead of see them as sentient individuals with their own free will.