"Spare the rod, spoil the child": Why the rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses

Many parents think that the Bible allows for, or even commands, the use of force in parenting. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most pro-spanking parents cite 5 verses in Proverbs as their "proof" that spanking is biblical. However, the Bible nowhere legitimately allows for a "biblical spanking".

There are precisely 6 verses in Proverbs that mention the rod of correction. Perhaps the most popularly cited rod verse is Proverbs 13:24 KJV:

He who spareth his rod hateth his son: but he who loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

The Hebrew root word translated "son" is ben and refers to a mature adult son. The Hebrew root word translated "rod" is shebet and refers here to the rod of correction, namely a switch. This passage ultimately refers to the 40 minus 1 lashes, administered by a father or next of kin, to the bare back, in a courtroom setting. However, striking another Jew was prohibited except in the context of a courtroom. Striking a minor child was prohibited completely, without exception. The reason for this commandment was that, otherwise, Jewish parents would shield their children from blame. This punishment happened as a final warning before an errant son was put to death. 

Christ died in order to repeal the harsh punishments found in the Old Testament. Christ abolished capital and corporal punishment by suffering it unjustly before Rising on the Third Day. Instead of the harsh punishments of the Old Testament being invoked, Christ opened up the gates of Heaven and Hell before Rising on the Third Day.

The teaching of "biblical spanking" is a man-made teaching. The Bible does not discuss parenting at all in the book of Proverbs. However, the Bible does weigh in on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo)  and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your child altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin term roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, namely spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this commandment ultimately was received by the parish at Colossae as prohibiting any and all offenses as perceived by a child. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Most of the Early Christians were anti-spanking, and always were. However, a group of Greek Christians, including at the parish at Colossae, did not get the memo, and insisted on their old pagan ways of parenting. They even cited Scripture as an excuse for their abusive treatment of their children - the rod verses themselves in Proverbs. For the 3 Centuries that the Early Church lasted, corporal punishment was shunned as of this world. The Early Christians, contrary to popular belief, were not well-integrated into broader Greco-Roman world, with them instead shunning the outside world in urban enclaves. 

The 40 minus 1 lashes was a form of judicial corporal punishment that took place in the Old Testament. However, these punishments were for adults only. Striking a minor child at all was a violation of Jewish law. In terms of parenting advice, King Solomon issued a parenting manual that advocated attachment parenting. All of the biblical writers also wrote attachment parenting manuals. Parenting advice in the biblical context was given in a convicting format, not a reassuring format.  It just so happens that these parenting manuals in the biblical context were not translated into English until the 1960s, with this knowledge on parenting before then staying in the Jewish world.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!