Passing down the faith: How to instruct your children in the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have values. This is a common goal for parents. Most American parents want their children to have some values. However, punitive treatment of children is not the way to teach a values system to a child. Children don't need religion to be beaten into them. Religion is a base human need for children and adults alike.

God's Law on child discipline, including religious instruction, is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring then up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to spank your child, in order to "beat the devil out of them". However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing them altogether for that matter. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are inevitable in children when dealing with them. This. in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child with limits not set out of anger. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child, including while setting limits, you need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you" and then commit never to lose your cool with your children ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This first stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. However, this first stanza of this commandment ultimately received by the parish at Ephesus as prohibiting any offenses as perceived by a child, at minimum. Paul. contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

It is a myth that children need to have a religion beaten into them. Religion is a basic human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is more aptly translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was discussing religious instruction. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore, leaving the Bible to a reassuring passage. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, parents then lavishly praised and encouraged to keep on studying. Then, fathers interjected something along the lines of "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers in the context. 

A common situation in Christian homes is church refusal. Many times, a young child - under age 6 usually - will refuse to go to church, However, in the Early Church, the man of the house went to church on behalf of his wife and children when the children were under age 6. Most children growing up in the Early Church were not introduced to Scripture until they turned 6. The first 6 years of childhood involved giving children nourishment and sustenance, with breastfeeding sometimes not ending until the child turned 6. The idea is not to force religion down the throat of children, but instead allow your child to find God on their own. Let them choose which church that they want to go to.

A common way for parents to impart a religious education on children is to "break their will", meaning keep punishing them, and punish them some more, until the child is forced to surrender to Christ. However, a child does not have a will to be broken. Children simply have wants, and in most cases, they aren't asking for much. 

Religious development in children is often hastened by parents. One way that the religious development of children is rushed by parents is through forcing grateful postures. The key with grateful postures is to look for them in your child. If your child shows grateful postures on their own, they are in a good spiritual place.

You may not get your child to have the exact same beliefs as you. However, all that should matter is that your child have a set of values to live by. Most children will find their own values, in a way that helps them behave and not be defiant or disorderly. Religion is a human need for children, and they will find religion entirely on their own if you let them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!