"Benign" deprivation: Why saying "no" to children "frequent and often" can be child abuse

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, these American parents need an attitude adjustment. The reason for this attitude adjustment is that when you tell your child "no" all of the time, it can be seen as child abuse if it upsets the child.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. One thing that hurts the feelings of children is saying "no" to your child "frequent and often". The key to avoiding offense in this context is to only tell a child "no" only when absolutely necessary, meaning almost never. When a child cannot accept the word "no", you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, in the form of an informal apology, whenever you hurt your child's feelings with limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to losing your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards a child is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan customs of parenting, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Most parents know when the word "no" is necessary, but somehow think that children are going to ask for "more, and then some". Children usually ask for things because they know who brings good things to them. They aren't out to manipulate you. Just say "yes" and get it over with. The child simply wants YOU to bring them good things, to know that you love them. 

One common place of contention in parenting is the store. Most children want that candy bar off of the shelf, and the parents say "put that back", and the child doesn't want to. You can surely afford a candy bar. A child isn't going to ask for much more, if they do, in fact, ask for more. If you truly cannot afford what they want, then perhaps you should save up money on their behalf, or else tell them "no" and apologize for the word "no". In the Early Church, a popular candy was licorice, and children always wanted it. Parents simply asked for the licorice to be handed to them, and then they paid for it alongside the other items. If the child wanted to open the package in the middle of the market, the parent simply asked for the item ahead of time, and said something along the lines of "you can have this back once I pay for it". 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!