"Benign" deprivation: Why children need ALL of their needs

Many parents buy into it. The idea is "benign" deprivation. Most American parents avoid many wants of their child, in order to focus on what the child "really" needs. However, the fact is that children need everything that they need.

The concept of "benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with parents instead giving children everything that they need, including even benign wants. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here is defined as doing good for your child, namely meeting their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Most American parents engage in what is called "benign" deprivation with their children. This is where children are deprived of much of what they need, in order to save room for what they "really" need. However, Christian parents in the Early Church met their children's EVERY need. Even benign wants were treated as needs in biblical times. 

A common way for parents to deprive their children of needs is to say "no" to most of what children ask for. However, customary law then prohibited parents from telling a child "no" except under certain specific situations, namely when the child asked for things that were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. When parents had to say "no" to a child, they were required by customary law to give children reassurance and an explanation. Even then, most parents found nicer ways to decline a request than a flat out "no", with phrases such as "that won't work", "that isn't possible", or "that can't happen". 

Children growing up in the Early Church got their EVERY vulnerable need met. Childhood needs, as understood then under customary law, fell into five main categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and with the greatest of these needs being attachment! Christian parents in the Early Church met the every need of their children, not just some of them. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up. In most cases, all children needed was warmth and closeness with mom, with milk-dependent children needing to suckle the teat of mothers. Whatever the child needed, they got it. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!