Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to honor from their children. Most American parents insist on respect and honor from their children. However, honoring parents, in biblical times, meant something different than it does today. Ultimately, you can honor your parents by taking care of them as they age.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment allows for adult children to shun their abusive parents. All adult children had to do in order to honor their parents was to care for their parents as they age. However, parents could be shunned if they refused to apologize for being abusive towards their child. 

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of children. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, meeting their child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. 

Most parents today punish their children when they speak against their parents. However, the fact of the matter is that the commandment to honor your parents does not prohibit speaking against your parents. All that the Fifth Commandment means is to care for your parents as they age. 

The commandment to honor parents stops when the parents are dishonorable, including if they were abusive towards you. Apart from a full and heartfelt apology on the part of abusive parents, children had the right to shun their abusive parents. If you have abusive parents, know that you owe nothing to your abusive parents.

I myself received an apology from both my parents later, after they abused me. However, even then, I give back to my mother by paying the restaurant bill for her. However, when the the topic comes up, I point out my trauma from pro-parent parents. I myself have a legal trauma from pro-spanking legal defenses, and all those who support Section 509 of the Pennsylvania Crimes Code. It is okay to hold your parents accountable for any abuse that they perpetrated towards you. However, since my parents apologized genuinely, I must forgive them as per my Christian beliefs, and give back in some way. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!