Mutual respect: Why respect is to be earned in parenting

Many parents today feel entitled to respect from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents insist on respect where there is none deserving. However, the fact of the matter is that parents, like everyone else, has to earn their respect in life. 

The concept of mutual respect is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their child, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refer to doing good things for your child, meeting their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishment, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. 
Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and  even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. 

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times. However, this respect for parents came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children at home were constantly held by mother, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children at home ranged next to mothers, following mom from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed before picking up their child, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, they got it. When mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up her child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin warmth happening every night, until the onset of puberty, which was when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the context of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with children experiencing the rays of skin-on-skin contact merely when they were picked up by mom.

Children growing up in the Early Church were not prohibited from speaking against their parents. Instead, respect for parents, in adults, came in the form of caring for parents as they age. Even then, some Early Christians wanted nothing to do with their abusive parents, and that was respected even by the council. See also 1 Cor. 5:11. 

Respect for parents is earned, meaning not bestowed on a silver platter for free. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from anybody. Not even respect. Not even forgiveness. Not even affection. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. These good things come from good works for children. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!