Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents think that children who throw temper tantrums are deserving of punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that crying and tantrumming in children is not bad behavior. It is normal for children to cry and throw tantrums, with the main reason for children tantrumming is separation anxiety.

Tending to temper tantrums is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated  "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Temper tantrums happened in biblical times, much like they do today. However, crying and tantrumming were not seen as bad behavior in biblical times. Whenever children cried or threw a temper tantrum, they were greeted with mom cooing, which put children at ease. From there, the mother diagnosed the need behind the cry, and then met that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. 

Cooing in mothers is a primal vocalization that serves to put a crying and screaming child at ease. Whenever children as much as heard the coo of their mother, their cries were pacified. From there, children who could speak voiced with their words what they wanted.

Most temper tantrums in children under age 6 came from separation anxiety. Whenever children were under age 6, they often cried out for the presence of mothers, with children morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Most children are forced to repress these vulnerable emotions, which surface in the form of temper tantrums without a visible cause. Responding to children during this vulnerable time is what forms a secure attachment with a child, with this bond being formed on the part of parents. Most children probably feel separation discomfort instead of separation anxiety.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!