Mutual respect: Why respect in parenting is earned

Many parents feel entitled to respect from children. This is a common attitude on the part of American parents. Most American parents demand respect from children, while earning none of it. The fact of the matter is that respect in parenting is earned, not bestowed on a silver platter. 

Mutual respect is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works ultimately refers to doing good things for children, meeting children's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46; 1Cor. 13:4-8.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and even took in a few orphaned children into the church. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times, but came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, seemingly attached to mothers at the hip, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whatever the child needed, they got it. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed before picking up the child, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers were out and about in public with children under age 6, mom wrapped the young child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with it - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, Christian parents in the Early Church co-slept next to their children in skin-on-skin format. Children growing up in the Early Church went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the context of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with children receiving rays of skin-on-skin contact merely when being picked up.

The number one motive for parents punishing their children is when parents feel entitled to respect. However, the fact of the matter is that respect in life is earned, not handed out for free on a silver platter. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from children just for existing. Not even respect. Not even affection. Not even forgiveness. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!