Christian attachment parenting: Why the Early Christians practiced attachment parenting

Many parents base their view on parenting based off of what they see in their Bibles. Most parents use the Bible as a justification for child abuse such as corporal punishment and false imprisonment tactics such as time-out and grounding. However, the Bible, when understood correctly in context, endorses attachment parenting.

Christian attachment parenting is attachment parenting based off of the Early Christian context. America was founded on Judeo-Christian values, with the Bible and its context being something for us as a society to glean from. The Bible is a founding document of this nation, even above the Constitution itself. Nowhere in the Bible does it legitimately endorse the punishment of children. Even in Proverbs, King Solomon was referring to the 40 minus 1 lashes, with that punishment happening to young adults in the context of a courtroom setting, not a home setting. Striking a minor child was prohibited entirely, even in a courtroom setting. It was unlawful to strike another Jew outside of a courtroom setting. 

Christian attachment parenting is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, to modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught by fathers showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught by fathers being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead when caught by fathers being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out a copy of the Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Younger children - past age 6 - develop simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as children get older, they start to grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion you would choose, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following mom from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, diagnosed the need and then met that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, children were wrapped up next to mom's bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that mothers wore that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping warmth happening every night, until the onset of puberty, which was when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with skin-on-skin friction happening every time a child was picked up. 

Mothers nurture from up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fathers largely kept their distance from young children under age 6. This distance was due to fathers having a sexual attachment to their children, especially his daughters. However, even in the Early Church, fathers could not have their "icing on the cake". The most a Christian father could hope for from his daughters was that they would enjoy being naked for him, as they were otherwise well taken care of. The Greek root word denoting lust in the Bible is έπιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers not to mere sexual desire, but to sexual entitlement. Sexual entitlement is defined as, officially speaking, sexual want, to the point of sexually motivated approach. It is okay to look the look at your daughter, and even think the think later. But, if you want to do the deed with her, don't approach her. "Do the deed" refers to flirting with or propositioning a minor, at minimum, or else touching a child on any part of their body for sexual or flirtatious reasons. All Christ was saying on the Sermon on the Mount was that if you find yourself approaching a woman for sexual favors, you shouldn't have even looked at her. Masturbation was seen as a way to stay out of trouble in the Early Church, and was not prohibited even when the fantasy was about a child. Most fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children in biblical times, as that was the only way he could go with parent attraction.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!