Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in Christian homes

Many parents think that they call the shots. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that they get to order their children around. The fact of the matter, however, is that children rest in the love and submission of parents, with children calling the shots from their place of rest.

When children call the shots, it is called righteous ordering. Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. In this mutual submission relationship, parents carried the burden of proof. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child within the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments. reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Righteous ordering means that children issue orders to parents, from their place of rest in relation to parents. Children give the orders as to what parents should do for them, and parents are to comply with the orders of children, with few exceptions. The only exception where parents can disobey a child's orders is if the orders are unworkable and/or immoral. 

Children in the Early Church who wanted or needed something - when under age 6 - cried out loud for their mother. Mothers then cooed at their children before picking them up, then diagnosing the need or want. Children past age 6, in most cases, ordered parents around with "I want" statements. They didn't use their manners either. But, most children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and everything that they needed. 

Righteous ordering is like going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, as long as it is on the menu. If the item requested isn't on the menu, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parents are there for children to use righteously, like a sponge or a milking-cow. Parents are to be there for most of what children want, and everything that children need. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss, which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!