Christian attachment parenting: Why God wants you to bring up children using attachment parenting

Many parents think that attachment parenting is not the Christian way to bring up a child. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents avoid attachment parenting, or even the appearance of attachment parenting. However, our nation was founded on Judeo-Christian family values, and that means, in the biblical context, that parents are to bring up their children in attachment parenting.

Christian attachment parenting is attachment parenting based off of the Early Christian context. It is a myth that the Early Christians were punitive with children. That reputation instead goes to the Greek and Roman pagans. The Early Christian righteously disobeyed the Roman law mandating that fathers punish their children, which was known as patrias potestas. 

The Early Christian parenting context is lifted up by the text in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead from fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out by fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based on what children saw in the text of the Bible. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Young children - past age 6 - start out with religious beliefs that are simplistic and non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, as they get older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion of your choice, but at least they have values. A parent can limit their child's religious options to Christianity by only leaving out a Bible.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on her back in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, never allowing mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, then diagnosing the need from there. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers were out and about wit children, mothers wrapped up their young children - under age 6 - next to their bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath her loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembles an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping setup lasting until the onset of puberty in most cases, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they were, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home, with this birth nudity facilitating skin-on-skin sustaining warmth.

Children past age 6 were allowed to play freely, naked. Children ventured farther and farther from home, exploring the terrain, playing high-risk games such as "marriage". However, children first checked in with their mothers, telling mothers where they were going. Come nightfall, children were called by name and fed a nice, warm dinner on a plate. Then, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, in order to recharge for the next day, when they would venture even farther from home. Children younger than age 6 were not allowed to play outside due to hazards that came as unsuspecting to the child, such as venomous snakes and scorpions. Today, playing outside has its own hazards, such as busy streets and roadways, with young children being oblivious to the dangers of playing outside. 

Mothers nurtured closely, with fathers nurturing from afar. Most fathers in biblical times nurtured from afar because of a sexual attachment towards their children. But, even in the Early Church, fathers could not have their "icing on the cake". Sexual correction was unlawful under the ordinances of the Early Church, and was considered fornication wherever it happened. The way that fathers dealt with their sexual attachment to their children by way of masturbating righteously, and from there, fathers formed a distant bond with their children, with that bond being a teaching form of secure attachment. The role of fathers was to educate children on the religious facts of life. But, the primary caregiver of children then was mothers, and mothers kept young children well-protected away from their fathers. In other ancient cultures, fathers got the "icing on the cake" by way of sexual correction. In the Early Church, however, the most fathers could hope for with children is daughters wanting to look naked for their father. For a young girl growing up in the Early Church, the respectful gaze of her father was a boost for self-esteem and body positivity. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!