Hebrews 12:5-8: Why this is not a spanking passage

Many parents use the Bible as an excuse for punitive parenting. Most parents seek religious sources of parenting advice. Most pastors preach in favor of punishing children. The key passage holding the pro-spanking argument together is Hebrews 12:5-8. 

God's Word states in Hebrews 12:5-8 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou are rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But, if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

This passage, when understood in context, is actually comforting to me. This passage was intended to comfort the Hebrew Christians in their persecution by the Romans. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and refers here, in figurative tense, to the 40 minus 1 lashes. The 40 minus 1 lashes was a once and a lifetime sentence for crime, meaning a final warning before putting an offender to death. Ultimately, this Greek root word is a form of figurative language found in many ancient languages known as rod language. After a long day at work, the Early Christians did not say "I had a long day at work" but instead said "God whipped me hard today".

God whips His children, like only He can, sending trials and tribulations towards those that He loves the most. However, God only whips His children when it doesn't harm them. Earthly parents only whip their children when it does harm them. Due to the flawed nature of earthly parents, earthly parents are to parent as comes naturally, meaning attachment parenting. Heb. 12:5-8 is not a passage about parenting. However, there are passages that sum up Christian parenting. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys who were caught being good by fathers were given manly praise, whereas girls who were caught being good by fathers were given a kiss to the forehead. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started by leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, fathers lavishly praised and encouraged children with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text of the Bible. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to point out the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. At first, the religious beliefs of young children - past age 6 - are simplistic and non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, eventually, a child starts to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values. You can limit their exposure to religion to Christianity by only leaving out a Bible. 

What leads to children hearing out their father's instruction? How about starting with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held, either in mom's arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her around from room to room, not letting mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed before picking up the child, and then diagnosed the need, before meeting the need. Sometimes the child was tired. Sometimes the child was hungry. Sometimes the child needed mom's milk. Sometimes the child needed mom, period. When mother and child were out and about in public, children were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with mothers then tucking the child underneath their loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, with co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went in biblical times, and mothers went naked within the confines of the family home, with this birth nudity facilitating skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance. 

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fathers nurture in a teaching way, meaning modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. However, fathers in the Early Church were distant from their children. The reason by involved a sexual attachment between fathers and children. But, even then, fathers were not allowed their "icing on the cake", but instead masturbated righteously to sexual thoughts of their children. The most the man of the house could expect from his daughter would be her enjoying being naked for her father. However, approaching his daughter for sexual or flirtatious reasons was considered sexual entitlement. Same with approaching his son for sexual or flirtatious reasons. Masturbating righteously to thoughts of your own children makes you feel closer to them as their father, even if all they need from you is religious guidance. 

Parents should not bring up children like God brings us up. Parents should not see their parental duties as being like God. Parental duties should instead be seen as like the duties assigned to a bondservant. Parents are slaves to their children that children can use for their own benefit, like a sponge or a milking-cow. Children simply should not strike out at their parents, with parents discouraging hitting behavior by crying out loud.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke your children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!