Christian attachment parenting: Why the Early Christians were attachment parents

Many parents believe that that attachment parenting is the unbiblical way to deal with children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that punitive parenting is commanded in the Bible. However, the fact of the matter is that the Early Christians were attachment parents.

Christian attachment parenting is attachment parenting based off of the Early Christian context. The Early Christians were attachment parents. The Bible, therefore, is an attachment parenting document. The Bible is a founding document of this country, above even the Constitution itself. The Bible, and its context, tells us how we should live as a society founded on Judeo-Christian morals. Nowhere in those Judeo-Christian morals does it legitimately say to punish a child.

Christian attachment parenting is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your children as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by fathers when caught being good, and girls were given a kiss to the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development. Young children - around age 6 - start out with simplistic beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, as children get older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not letting mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, from there diagnosing the need behind the cry. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, children were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, and from there, the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - were tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping lasting every night, until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also being naked within the confines of the family home, with this birth nudity setup facilitating constant skin-on-skin sustaining warmth between mother and child.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fathers were simply there to instruct children in the Lord. Fathers kept their distance due to a sexual attachment between them and their children, with daughters getting the bulk of the attraction. But, even in biblical times, fathers were not allowed their "icing on the cake". Fathers instead were instructed by church ordinance to masturbate to sexual thoughts of their children, with this being a form of righteous masturbation. Righteous masturbation is masturbation in order to stay out of trouble, thereby purging the system of unrequited lusts. The most fathers could hope for was daughters enjoying being naked for their father, as they were otherwise well taken care of. Most ancient contexts allow for the man of the house to sexually correct children for crying too much. The Early Christian context, however, prohibits sexually correcting children, deeming it fornication.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!