Righteous respect: Why respect is to be earned by Christian parents

Many parents feel entitled to respect from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents, and especially Christian parents. Most American parents demand respect from their children, but do nothing to earn it. The fact of the matter is that respect is earned in life, including in parenting.

Righteous respect is what parents get when they follow the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with parents having the burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship with their children. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with kidnapping being defined as under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a real thing in biblical times. However, respect then came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were held constantly by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between the ages of 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following mom from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, then diagnosing the need from there. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, they were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin closeness happening every single night, until the onset of puberty in a child, which was when they wanted their own place to sleep. Children in biblical times went naked wherever they went, with mothers also being naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity facilitated easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth between mothers and children.

Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from their children. Not even respect. Not even forgiveness. Not even affection. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Respect from children does not come on a silver platter, but instead is earned though the hard work of parents. Parents have the burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship with their children, and thus have the duty to win over their children, not beat the devil out of them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!