Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents feel that they are entitled to have a perfect child that doesn't throw tantrums. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents hate it when their child throws a temper tantrum. The fact of the matter is that temper tantrums are not bad behavior.

Dealing with temper tantrums is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Temper tantrums were not seen as bad behavior in the Early Church. Instead, temper tantrums were seen as communication of a vulnerable need. Whenever a child cried, mothers quickly responded by cooing, before picking the child up. From there, the mother diagnosed the need by the type of cry/ Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. 

Cooing is a primal vocalization on the part of mothers. Cooing at children helps put them at ease, and prepares them for being reassured by mothers. Cooing at children reassures children of mom's presence. In the Early Church, instead of mothers saying "I'm here" reassuringly, mothers simply cooed at their children, reassuring children that they have been heard.

Most temper tantrums in older children come in the form of whining, in most cases in the instance of the word "no". Whining, in child development, is a sign of maturity, as crying is an immature trait found in babies and young children. When children whined or cried in biblical times due to the word "no", mothers cooed before picking up children, reassuring the child with closeness that the child's voice was heard. If the child did not cry after hearing the word "no", they were praised and encouraged by fathers in showing self-control.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!