Crying: Why crying is not bad behavior

Many parents feel entitled to a child that doesn't cry. Most parents demand that children not cry past a certain age. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that crying in children past infancy is something to stomp on and eradicate. The fact of the matter is that children cry as a means to communicate, not as a means to "undermine" your parenting.

Reassurance of a crying child is known as righteous reassurance. Righteous reassurance is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children as a deacon.

Children in biblical times were allowed to cry. A cry coming from a child was seen by mothers in particular as an expression of a vulnerable need. Whenever children cried, mothers immediately responded by cooing at children before picking them up. From there, mothers diagnosed the need, and provided the need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. 

Cooing was a primal way for mothers to reassure and validate a child's upset. Cooing, when done by a mother at a child, put children at ease. From there, mothers diagnosed the need of the child, and met that need. Cooing helps the child feel heard. When mothers cooed at their children in biblical times, their wailing turned to silent tears.

Crying occurs when a child needs something. There are five main categories of need in a child; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment! When children cry, they need something under these five categories of needs, as children know what they need. Things such as tiredness in children fall under attachment needs, as children should be co-sleeping next to mothers. In the Early Church, mothers met the every vulnerable need of a child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!