Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents have to deal with it. A child throws a temper tantrum. Most parents punish their children for having temper tantrums. Some parents ignore temper tantrums. Neither option is the right option. Most parents in biblical times, contrary to popular legend, were gentle and reassuring when children cried. 

The righteous reassurance of children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Temper tantrums are not bad behavior. Temper tantrums were seen in biblical times as a means for a child to advocate needs, with children never being punished for crying, no matter where the crying happened. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed before picking up the child, then holding them against her bare bosom. When mothers were in the confines of the family home, she was naked. Children were naked wherever they went. This setup made it easier for mothers to facilitate skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance.

When out and about, children cried when they needed something. Mothers dealt with children crying in public by swaddling the child to her bosom in swaddling blankets. The swaddling blankets were tied to the left breast, then across the dot to the right leg, or vice versa, or both in the case of twins. When children cried, mothers held the child closer to her bosom, with children, from there, crying silently. The swaddling blankets were made of velvet, which was grown throughout the Ancient Middle East. Mothers wore the swaddling blankets beneath her loose-fitting, revealing dress resembling an apron. 

In both the outdoor and indoor tense, mothers cooed at their crying child. This primal vocalization by mothers is an easy way to help a child calm down. Cooing at children helps the child's pain and upset feel validated and heard. If you coo at a crying child, expect them to fall into line right away, meaning the tears fall silent.

Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment! When a child cries out of nowhere, they are crying out for YOU because YOU are the one to give them what they need. Attachment needs are prevalent during the first 6 years of a child's life, when they cry out just to know you are present. A child's worst fear at that age is mothers "going away and never coming back". Sometimes, children were simply tired, in which case mothers took the time to co-snuggle their tired child to sleep. Sometimes, children needed nourishment from mothers, and thus were breastfed to sleep until they refused to latch on to the nipple.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!