Children calling the shots: Why children call the shots in Christian homes

Many parents think that they call the shots in the family home. Most parents think they are the ones to give orders. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that children call the shots in a Christian home. 

Children calling the shots is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech, perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parents, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Children, in Christian homes in the biblical context, called the shots. Children were the ones issuing orders to parents, and in most cases, parents had to obey the orders of their children. The only valid reason for righteously disobeying a child's orders was if the orders were unworkable and/or immoral. Whenever parents said "no", they were required by church ordinance to reassure and validate the child's upset.

Children under age 6 cried a lot, and that crying was seen as a summonses for mothers to validate the upset and meet the self-advocated needs of their children. Most mothers gave children the reassurance that they needed by cooing at children, and once children were reassured that way, they fell into line, crying quietly and silently. Children, in the older years, made "I want" statements, and they got what they wanted most all of the time. When they didn't, there were a lot of tears, but also reassurance coming from the mother by cooing.

Parenting in biblical times was like going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. When an item is discontinued, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Being a parent is a similar job to being waitstaff at a restaurant, meaning you wait on your child hand and foot, without any thanks from anyone. Children, from there, called the shots, issuing righteous demands, and even using parents like a sponge or a milking-cow.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!